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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29427072">Dreaming of you</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunshinexoxo/pseuds/sunshinexoxo'>sunshinexoxo</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Last of Us (Video Games)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Age Difference, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, College, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Falling In Love, Family Secrets, Fluff, Gentle Sex, Grumpy Old Men, Love Confessions, Older Man/Younger Woman, Porn with Feelings, Rough Sex, Sexual Tension, Smut, Vaginal Sex</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 13:22:03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>29,894</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29427072</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunshinexoxo/pseuds/sunshinexoxo</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>In this story Ellie is Joel’s nineteen year old daughter and has a best friend, Y/N. Ellie and Y/N are best friends since they’re kids. </p><p>Y/N is in her senior year at college and want to visit her family in the summer break. She also want to visit Ellie because she will be studying at the same college as Y/N. </p><p>You always had a crush at Ellie’s dad. What will happen if you visit them after your time in college? Would you still have a crush on the older man?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Dina &amp; Ellie (The Last of Us), Ellie &amp; Joel (The Last of Us), Ellie &amp; Tommy (The Last of Us), Ellie (The Last of Us)/Reader, Joel (The Last of Us)/Reader, Maria/Tommy (The Last of Us)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>55</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>85</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“And you’re sure about that?” Ellie asked, sipping at her drink.</p><p>It was your first day back from San Francisco. The flight to Austin was horrible. You just hated flights. You always had the luck to sit near a crying baby or a bad smelling guy how tried to flirt with you. <em>Disgusting</em>.</p><p>You were excited to finally come home again for the summer. The year was hard and you hardly pasted your final tests. But you loved your choice in college.<br/><br/>Your parents first didn’t liked the idea of you studying art. After all they would pay for your rent and loan. But after finding enough arguments you could finally convince them. </p><p>What you achieved in this time was truly amazing. You really put your whole heart in the projects you were involved and always did your best. And it paid off. Because you got one of the greatest internships. </p><p>After your summer break you would work for a graphic design studio. You would create eye-catching graphics and engaging designs. And you also could work on graphic projects on your own. </p><p>For that job you really worked your ass off and couldn’t be happier that you really got the job in the end. </p><p>Yesterday your parents celebrated the good news with you, after your dad picked you up from the airport. They were proud of you and they finally could see that you made the right choice. <br/><br/>After you settled in your old bedroom you texted Ellie that you were home again. You both agreed to meet in the diner you always were at the weekends.</p><p>Now you sat with her in one of the comfy leather booths, drinking milkshakes and ate your favorite cheesecake. </p><p>“Yes, Anna will be moving in with her boyfriend. So you can have her room.” You told her with a smile and grabbed her hand. </p><p>“And then we’re roommates!” You shrieked and she laughed. <br/><br/>Ellie still searched for a place she could move in. It was just perfect as your current roommate Anna told you that she would be moving out after the summer to live with her boyfriend. <br/><br/>Of course you immediately thought of Ellie and couldn’t wait to tell her the news apart from your new job.</p><p>”Oh man, I can’t believe all that.” Ellie sighed and rubbed her face as she laughed again. </p><p>“I’m really moving to San Francisco!” But suddenly she stopped, a frown appearing on her face.</p><p>”Oh my dad..” She mumbled and you looked at her. “What about him? You didn’t told him?” </p><p>“No that’s not it. But this would be the last summer. I mean- he still doesn’t like that I’m moving this far- you know?” She said and bit her lip.</p><p>”Sure. But it’s your own live and your old enough.” You tried to cheer her up. Ellie’s dad. <em>Joel. Oh man..</em></p><p>He was a complicated man. And he definitely was your teenage crush. He was all you ever thought about. But being sixteen, you knew it was nothing more than a fantasy. <em>Right?</em></p><p>Ellie and Joel had always lived alone. Her mom left them when she was only a baby. The relationship they had was special. You didn’t saw a father daughter relationship that was so bonded. It was really nice to see how they cared about one another.</p><p>They never had an easy live. Joel had a job were he customized some furniture and other decorations for customers with his brother Tommy. Maria owned the shop in town and managed the rest. The things they created and build were really beautiful but you could imagine it was just enough for living decently.</p><p>You never had these problems. Both your parents were dentists and made good money. You had a big house and a garden with a pool. You had your own car when you got you drivers license and never had to worry about money ever.</p><p>You could only imagine what Ellie must be feeling right now. The college loan was a lot. There was also the rent and other costs she must cover.</p><p>“I can come to you later. If you like.” You told her with smile, knowing she would like some company and someone she could talk to.</p><p>”Yeah, I would like that.” Ellie said and looked at you.</p><p>“I’ll just eat with parents and after dinner I will be at yours.” You told her and she nodded. “Alright.”</p><hr/><p>As you pulled up to the familiar driveway, your stomach churned. Almost afraid to walk up the house. <em>But why?</em></p><p>You made you way to the door, heart pounding faster with every step. You weren’t sure why you were nervous, since you have been there hundreds of times before. But it felt slightly different then all the other times.</p><p>You texted Ellie earlier that you were almost there. She replied that she was out with Ruby, their dog, for a quick late walk and would be there as soon as possible.</p><p>Gently, you knocked on the wooden door. The nerves building up inside of you, as you stood there, waiting for an answer, hoping she already was back.</p><p>A few seconds later the door opened. You snapped your attention back and met green-brown eyes. Seeing him standing there, you were instantly reminded why you liked him so much in high school. </p><p>Not much had changed, except for a few grey hairs in his beard and hair and the crinkles around his eyes. But other than that, he was still handsome as ever. <br/><br/>Joel couldn’t believe it was you. It had been so long, he almost didn’t recognize that it was you. </p><p>He cleared his throat. “Y/N?” </p><p>“Hi uh- Mr. Miller.” You stuttered, feeling dumb for being so shy now.</p><p>“I almost didn’t recognize you.” He mumbled and his eyes roamed over your body.</p><p>“It’s been a while, yeah.” You chuckled, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear. <br/><br/><em>Indeed, </em>Joel thought and stepped off to the side, holding the door open and motioned for you to come in. <br/><br/>You flashed him a soft smile and walked into the house.</p><p>The house had no changes. The walls had the same photos hanging, and it looked a bit chaotic like always. Which kinda felt nice since you were so often around back then. <br/><br/>“I guess you want to Ellie?” Joel asked as you both walked into the kitchen.</p><p>You nodded and watched him. He was dressed in a pair of sweats and a black hoodie. You immediately noticed his slippers and you smirked. Ah, the famous dog slippers. Ellie had got them for his forty’s birthday. You had laughed your ass off as she showed you the adorable shoes with tiny little dogs of them. </p><p>“She’s out with Ruby but-“ “Yeah she already texted me.” </p><p>“Yeah, uh sure.” He mumbled under his breath. </p><p>“Want something to drink?” Joel asked, making his way over to the cupboard.</p><p>“Just water.” You said and leaned against the counter. As you watched him filling a glass, you realized you were alone with him. Alone with the man you secretly wanted in high school. <em>And still want?</em></p><p>Suddenly, you were even more nervous than before. You gulped hard. <br/><br/>“How have you been? How’s San Francisco?” He asked as he placed the glass of water on the counter beside you.</p><p>”Uh good- it’s uh busy. Actually it’s my senior year and I got a Job..” You murmured and took a sip.</p><p>”Senior year? Man, time really goes by uh?” He chuckled, leaning against the counter as well and looked to the ground. </p><p>Joel crossed his arms over his chest and looked up at you.<br/><br/>And man, did he noticed how much you’ve grown up.</p><p>Here you were, no longer a girl but a woman. Joel couldn’t help but notice your long smooth legs under your summer dress, and the way you lightly bit on your lower lip. It was something he never noticed before until now. He took you totally in, mesmerized by you.</p><p>Now you were in your last year at university. You’ve probably had boyfriends, and been to parties. Even had some crazy stories of your own. </p><p>His eyes lingered on you. The girl he knew from back then, who was playing with his daughter in the backyard was all grown up. <br/><br/>“I’m happy for you.” He finally said after he was done staring at you.</p><p>”Thanks.” You said with a smile, playing with the rim of the glass.</p><p>“How have you been?” You asked after clearing your throat.</p><p>“Quite alright. The typical chaos.” You both laughed.</p><p>The two of you went on, filling in the last years. Chuckling over little embarrassing moments, and awkward stories you had encountered through out your time away. </p><p>For a moment, Joel had almost forgot what it was like to genuinely have a conversation with you. It was bright and warm. It was easy with you. He always smiled and nothing felt forced with you and he felt good in your presence.</p><p>“So what do you remember most?” You asked him after some time. </p><p>“Uh there’s a lot..” He mumbled and smirked at you. </p><p>“But the most..” Joel scratched his beard.</p><p>“When we were in the car .. we always had to hear some music from this country girl.” His eyes squinting together, trying to remember the name.</p><p>”Just love songs, Ellie hated it.” He chuckled at the memory.</p><p>”Oh Taylor Swift.” You laughed.</p><p>“Yeah, whatever.” He chuckled again and watched you with a smirk.</p><p>”I still listen to her.” You smirked too and he shook his head in amusement.</p><p>”If you like this kinda stuff.” <br/><br/>“At least it’s country?” You told him and he laughed at that.</p><p>”Beside not everyone is stuck in the eighties jams like you.” He laughed even more.</p><p>”But that’s the real good stuff. I just have good taste in music.” He shrugged, his cheeks were hurting from smiling so much.<br/> <br/>“Sure, whatever you say old man.” You teased and he couldn’t believe you sometimes. </p><p>It was quit for some time and you felt hot under his gaze. He never looked at you how he looked at you right now. This was odd. Your throat feeling really dry and you gulped the rest of your water down.</p><p>Yeah, you noticed the way he roamed your body multiple times and lingered on some parts a little more then necessary. </p><p>The sound of keys jingle caught your attention and you looked over to the door.</p><p>”I’m sorry!” Ellie shouted and slipped out of her converse.</p><p>Ruby immediately ran towards you and jumped on you. “Oh hey there girl. You missed me?” You stroked her and kneeled down. “Easy!” You laughed as she tried to lick your face.</p><p>“Dad what’s up? You look like you saw a ghost or something.” Ellie chuckled, watching him as she came up to you.</p><p>Joel swallowed hard and pulled his eyes from you and the dog. </p><p>“It’s nothing.” He grunted and made his way towards the stairs. Ellie looked at you and raised her eyebrow. “What did you guys talked about?” </p><p>“Just the old times.” You sighed and watched him leave, and continued to pet Ruby’s head.</p><p>Just like you thought, your crush definitely wasn’t gone. <em>Great.</em></p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>English isn’t my first language so I’m sorry for mistakes!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>You barely slept that night. Thinking of Joel all the time. <em>Again</em>. You couldn’t stop thinking about his intense stares and glances he gave you. It felt so different. <em>But why</em>? He was Ellie’s dad.<br/><br/>You couldn’t think such things you were thinking right now. And especially not feeling these sort of things too..</p><p>Why the fuck had your stupid crush creeping back to you. It was frustrating. You just want to have a good time with Ellie and now all you could about was Joel.</p><p>You woke up with a text from Ellie. She asked if you want to meet in the mall for some drinks and gossip. You missed the mall. There always was this nostalgic feeling when you were around the shops, restaurants and the games gambling hall.</p><p>You loved to hang out there back in the days so you couldn’t wait to visit that all again. </p><p>So you spent most of the afternoon walking around the mall, visiting the shops and ate sushi at your favorite Japanese. You told Ellie more about your job and your time in college. How the last year was and how hard everything was in the last couple weeks. </p><p>You promised her to help her even if you wouldn’t be much around after the summer but that was okay. She was your bestie. And you would be living together. So you could always help her out. </p><p>“You wanna come over later? We could order pizza and watch some trash tv.” Ellie asked after you had ordered some ice coffee. </p><p>You hesitated for a moment. “Sure.” You answered, sipping at your drink. The thing with Joel made you nervous. But you were sure it would go away in a couple days. It couldn’t go on like this. <br/><br/>Yeah right, but why were you tensing up by nearing their house? <em>Ridiculous..</em></p><p>As soon as you walked into the house your gaze met his and instantly, your breath hitched. </p><p>You swallowed hard, but found some courage in you to snap out of the daze and collected yourself. “Hi.”</p><p>“Hey, you two were at the mall?” Joel asked the two of you as he gently pet Ruby’s head and walked towards the back door to close it. Apparently they just got back from a walk.</p><p>”Yes. We wanna order some pizza. So you want anything?” Ellie asked and pulled out her phone. </p><p>“I don’t think so.” He mumbled and glanced at you.</p><p>It was crazy how much power a stare held over you. It made your heart pound erratically, and it was hard to think straight. </p><p>“Y/N could you grab us some drinks, I’ll order the pizza.” Ellie shouted and was already walking up the stairs.</p><p>”Sure.” You mumbled and walked towards the kitchen. You opened the fridge and pulled out sprite and coke. </p><p>You tried to ignore Joel’s gaze. So you quickly made your way upstairs. </p><p>After you put the drinks down you cursed slightly. “Forgot my purse downstairs. I’ll be right back.” You walked down the stairs quickly. </p><p>“Ruby hey, don’t!” You warned the dog as she bounced up at you at the last few stairs. She was trying to jump on you again. </p><p>“Stop it I- ah!” But it was to late. Her body made you slip the last few stairs and you fall. </p><p>“Woah woah hey-“ Joel caught you just in time you were about to hit the floor. You bumped hard against his solid chest. </p><p>Your fingers awkwardly clawed at his shirt and you breathed heavy. Slowly you looked up at him and you could see how he swallowed hard. Joel’s hands tightly gripped your waist. His breath fainted over your forehead and you felt his heartbeat against your own.</p><p>After what felt like an eternity he finally loosened his grip on your waist and slightly pulled back to look at you probably. </p><p>“You good?” He whispered.</p><p>You blinked a few times, staring at his lips. <em>Why was he whispering?</em> </p><p>“Y/N?” He asked again and you looked in his eyes. You nodded and pulled back, clearing your throat. “I- I purse - I forgot my purse.” You stammered and walked in the hall to get your purse.</p><p>Joel watched you, scratching his neck in the process. Ruby sat at his legs, glancing up at him. </p><p>You flashed him a quick smile when you passed him and walked back upstairs.</p><p>There had only been one constant thing roaming through Joel’s mind as he watched you walking up the stairs again; <em>please not you..</em></p><hr/><p>Why couldn’t you just got over this stupid crush on him? Joel was just one guy, there were so many guys out there. You had a whole campus back in San Francisco to choose from. And there were a lot cute guys in the city as well. <br/><br/>It was probably the fact that it was just Joel.. and no one was like him. How could a guy from college even begin to keep up with him. <em>Yeah, impossible.</em></p><p>“Please! I don’t want to go alone.” Ellie pleaded. You looked at her and sighed. You both sat at the edge of the pool. It was a hot day so you decided to meet up at yours to swim a bit. <br/><br/>She told you about Dina. Her forever crush in school. They were friends and now she would give a party at her house. Some sort of summer party for the senior class at high school. </p><p>You smiled and hesitated. You didn’t really felt like dressing up and going out tonight but then the alternative was to sit here all night by yourself. You didn’t really felt like doing that either. Beside why not? Maybe it would be fun.</p><p>And a party surrounded by lots of people, none of which were Joel, was exactly what you needed to take your mind off.</p><p>“Yeah uh- okay but please don’t do anything stupid, I warn you.” “Me? You always were the troublemaker!” Ellie gasped and playfully tossed you in the pool. </p><p>“Hey!” You screamed before you fall into the water. You resurfaced and looked at Ellie shocked. She was laughing. “You little shit!” You laughed as well and grabbed her legs, dragging her into the water. <br/><br/>You couldn’t wait for her to move in with you. The two of you would be having so much fun. You hadn't laughed this much with Anna as you laughed with Ellie in the last two days.</p><p>The party started at nine so you had enough time to get ready. After dinner with your parents you dressed up and texted Ellie you would met up with Jesse. He was a friend from your former boyfriend. The two of you always got along well, so you never quit your friendship with him. </p><p>“Y/N, please don’t do anything-“ “Oh my god dad!” You laughed at your dad as you said goodbye to your parents. </p><p>“Just saying, I’m still worrying about you.” He told you with a chuckle and you smiled at him. </p><p>“I know.” You walked up to him to gave him a quick kiss on the cheek. “Okay then, see you- uh later or.. tomorrow?” You said and your dad shook his head.</p><p>”Be careful sweetie.” He shouted after you as you closed the door.</p><p>“Well, you look uh- hot, Y/N.” Jesse whistled as he dragged you into a hug.</p><p>”And you look ugly as always, dumbass.” You joked and smirked up at him. He chuckled and shook his head in amusement.</p><p>“Long time no see.” He said and rubbed your shoulder. “How have you been?” </p><p>You chatted for a while, catching up on the last couple month you didn’t talked to him. When Ellie finally joined you made your way to Dina’s house.</p><p>The party was in full swing when you arrived. You recognized a lot of people. Even if they had changed due the time but you remembered them.</p><p>You made your way through the crowd with a drink in your hand, the music was loud, the crowd even louder. They all seemed to be having the night of their life. You chatted her an there with someone, having a good time.</p><p>And somehow you drank a lot. Way to much in the end. You remembered dancing with Ellie and Dina and in the next moment you took shots with them. </p><p>You remembered Ellie whispering in your ear she kissed Dina in the kitchen and didn’t want to leave this place ever. Then you spoke with Jordan and Noah. And suddenly you were outside the house walking towards the streets.</p><p>”You never had wear one of these in high school, Y/N.” Noah said and snapped the strap of your short black dress. </p><p>You giggled and leaned against him as you walked along the side walk.</p><p>“Do you even wear underwear?” Jordan asked you smugly and put an arm around your shoulders. “My god! Jordan!” You stammered and almost stumbled over a rock that was lying on the path.</p><p>”Careful!” He caught you and pulled you back against his chest. You stepped slightly back. </p><p>“Uhm guys - it was a pleasure to met you again but-“ You had to concentrated hard.</p><p>”I better call a taxi now..” you already search your purse for your phone.</p><p>”We can drive you.” Noah said and grabbed your arm. You looked up at him. </p><p>“You sure you can still drive?” You hiccuped and looked around you. </p><p>Suddenly you were walking again. “Guys stop, I just call us a taxi.” You mumbled but they just dragged you with them.</p><p>You wanted to stop them but they had a dead grip on you. <em>What the fuck?</em></p><p>”C’mon. We could drive to Wendy’s. Have something to eat and talk about the old days. And after that, who knows..” Noah said and pushed you more firmer in the direction of his car. </p><p>“What?” You asked confused, looking up at them. </p><p>As Joel drove through the suburbs on his way back home he passed the diner you and Ellie always hung out. </p><p>He almost didn’t see it. But then it stopped him cold. There was a girl and two guys. The girl talked and pointed to a car multiple time. She stumbled a bit, she was probably drunk.</p><p>And then it had hit him. <em>The girl.</em> It was you. First he wasn’t sure but then.. yeah it was definitely you. First he was hypnotized how you looked in the short black dress but then he immediately worried about you.</p><p>Joel watched the guys how they made comments to each other, laughing and licking their lips with a horny grin on their faces. They walked towards you, one guy grabbed your arm the other had his hand on your waist.</p><p>He felt his stomach turn and without thinking he parked his Ranger at the side of they parking lot and walked up to them before they could do anything worse.</p><p>Jordan grabbed your arm and was about to drag you into the diner when you heard a deep voice. </p><p>“Y/N?” Joel asked and looked at you. He saw how you tried to focus on his face and then you recognized him.</p><p>“Joel?” You whispered and his breath caught in his throat. It was then as he noticed that you said his name for the first time. You never called him that.</p><p>”You okay?” He mumbled and didn’t looked one second away from you.</p><p>”She’s okay. We just wanna eat some-“ “Did I fucking ask you, boy?” Joel snarled and Jordan gulped, stepping away from you.</p><p>You couldn’t hold yourself any longer then and stumbled forwards. Joel lunged forward, catching you in his arms.</p><p>”I told them I’m not hungry.” You mumbled against his jacket, breathing him in.</p><p>Joel gently rubbed your back and looked at Jordan and Noah. They looked cornered and terrified. <em>Yeah, Joel had that effect</em>.</p><p>”Now get the fuck lost.” He growled and they hastily made their way to the car again.</p><p>”If I ever see you one more fucking time near her-“ he warned, controlling himself that he didn’t beat the shit out of them “ - you will regret it.” </p><p>With that he made his way over to his Ranger and carefully helped you into the passenger seat, buckling you up.</p><p>You opened your eyes after some time. “Hey.” You flinched at his deep voice and turned your head to look at him.</p><p>”You passed out.” Joel rumbled, not looking at you. You groaned and touched your head. “I’m fine.” You murmured but he shook his head.</p><p>”You’re still drunk, I better drive you-“ “Please don’t!” You pleaded and watched him. </p><p>Joel looked at you from the corner of his eye. “My parents I- they never saw me like - uh this-“ You spoke, still slightly slurring your words. </p><p>Joel sighed. He glanced at you then. “Where’s Ellie?” He asked you.</p><p>”With Dina or something?” “Something?” He chuckled, watching how you slumped back into the seat again. </p><p>“She’s okay.” You mumbled and pressed your head against the window.</p><p>”Yeah, but you were definitely not.” He grunted and gripped the steering wheel more firmer.</p><p>“Joel.” you breathed quietly. He swallowed hard at how you said his name. “Don’t- don’t drive me home- my - I-“ you focused on speaking the right words.</p><p>“I can sleep on the couch - Ellie’s bed-“ He heard you saying and he sighed again. “Jesus Christ..” He mumbled and scratched his beard nervously. </p><hr/><p>For some reason putting one foot in front of the other seemed like the biggest challenge of your life as you walked towards the house. </p><p>As Joel opened the door you managed to go into the living room after you clumsily got outta your shoes.<br/><br/>The couch really looked inviting and you immediately crashed down onto the soft cushions. It took you less than 5 minutes to doze off.</p><p>Joel walked towards the living room after grabbing a bottle of water from the fridge. </p><p>You were lying face down into the cushions with one leg half on the floor.</p><p>Joel questioned whether to wake you or just let you sleep. After some hesitation he decided he couldn’t just leave you lying there in such an uncomfortable position, you would be completely sore in the morning. You could sleep in Ellie’s bed..</p><p>So he walked over to you and carefully tapped your shoulder while he whispered your name.</p><p>You moaned softly in your sleep and he abruptly pulled his hand away.</p><p>He put the bottle down on the coffee table and took a deep sigh before he tried again, a little louder this time while he gently touched your shoulder,’ Hey, wake up, come on, sweetheart, wake up.’</p><p>Joel bit his lip when he realised what he just called you but you were still completely out. <em>Damn.</em><br/><br/>He leaned down on one knee and shook you a little harder but you still didn’t move an inch.</p><p>“Shit,” Joel mumbled, kneeling down on the carpet right next to you, his face now at level with yours. You seemed to be sleeping peacefully and for a moment he forget his plan to wake you up.</p><p>He just allowed himself to stare at your face what he hardly did and he carefully placed a few locks of your hair behind your ear. <em>Gorgeous.</em></p><p>His thumb slowly caressed your cheek in the process and you let out another quiet moan. He gulped.</p><p>Your reaction to his touch made him want to keep touching you but he knew he was crossing a line here. <em>A really dangerous line.</em></p><p>Joel had to wake you up, it was the only right thing to do and not secretly admiring his daughters friend.</p><p>But his fingers were absentmindedly stroking your neck, enjoying the little sounds escaping your mouth. <em>What the fuck are you doing Miller?</em></p><p>‘Hmmmm,’ you moaned with a little smile on your face.</p><p>Joel panicked and reacted by shaking your shoulder harder than he intended, forcing you out of your sleep.</p><p>With a startled cry you jumped up on the couch, immediately grabbing your head as you sat up, “Fuck…what? How…”</p><p>“You’re awake.”</p><p>“Yes..” you mumbled and pushed your fingers against your forehead, “Fuck, my head hurts.”</p><p>Joel stood up and took a seat next to you on the couch,”How much actually did you drink tonight?” The look on his face was worried and kinda <em>angry?</em></p><p>“A little,” you confessed while you pushed your hair back and closed your eyes in a deep sigh, ”and then a little more.”</p><p>When you looked up again your eyes met his and he was staring at you. You couldn’t look away and neither could he.</p><p>“You know how stupid that was? Going with these guys?” He still watched you.</p><p>“But you saved me..” You murmured and carefully inched closer to him on the couch. It was the alcohol in your veins, there was no other explanation.  </p><p>Because you suddenly put one leg over his lap and straddled him. You were licking your lips and he couldn’t take his eyes off of you, holding his breath Joel gulped hard and watched how your beautiful body arched against his.</p><p>“What are you doing?” his voice was rough like sandpaper.<br/><br/>You kept your eyes locked with his while you sank down on his lap and you couldn’t help but bit your lip when you felt his erection against your inner thigh.</p><p>Joel’s hands came to rest on your waist and his voice was suddenly filled with nerves, „What are you doing?“ He asked again after clearing his throat.</p><p>You pulled your dress up a little higher and slowly rolled your hips against him.</p><p>‘Fuck, Y/N - stop-“ he involuntarily gripped your waist tighter and moaned softly.<br/><br/>You could feel his hard erection pushing up against your panties now, right where you wanted him.<br/><br/>You brought your lips right next to his ear, “You have no idea, do you? You have no idea of how much I want you.”</p><p>Joel groaned at that and pushed his hips up to meet yours, a little whimper in the back of his throat.</p><p>He leaned his face against yours and forced himself to keep his body still, he didn’t want to encourage you but it was really fucking hard when you made him feel this good “You don’t know what you’re doing, we can’t…you’re drunk- stop-“</p><p>Your hands grabbed his flannel to keep yourself steady while you slowly moved up and down his length, your soaked panties leaving a wet stain on his jeans.</p><p>‘Fuck, baby, stop that- please,’ he tried his best to hold you still, fighting between what he knew he should be doing and what he wanted to do more than anything else right now.</p><p>You were drunk, he knew this, he shouldn’t even allow you to touch him right now. This was wrong. This was so fucking wrong.<br/><br/>Your hands were caressing his stomach and when he leaned back you took the opportunity to slowly and softly kiss his neck.<br/><br/>“Fucking hell, Y/N-“ he grunted low and deep and any resolve he had was fading and his hands were softly stroking your lower back, holding you close to him while he leaned into your kisses.</p><p>“Stop it-“ he breathed again in a desperate sigh, hoping you would finally let go now.</p><p>“Joel, please.” you moaned and felt him finally move his hips, thrusting up against you while he held you down on his cock.</p><p>He was breathing hard and meeting every roll of your hips with a thrust of his own. Your panties were completely soaked by now.</p><p>“Touch me- please touch me.” you pleaded and desperately searched for his  fingers and lacing them with yours. You led his hand underneath your dress and into your panties.</p><p>Joel fucking lost it then. The temptation was too much and he didn’t hesitate. His rough hand disappeared under the thin fabric and he slowly rubbed your folds, spreading your wetness and making slow circles on your clit.</p><p>The way you whimpered his name drove him crazy. He wanted to get rid of every piece of clothing between the both of you. He needed you completely naked, underneath him and moaning just like this. <em>Fuck.</em></p><p>But his mind was screaming at him to stop, it wasn’t right. You would both regret this in the morning and things would never go back to normal.<br/><br/>He couldn’t let this happen, you would hate him for this. You would hate yourself.</p><p>But you suddenly grabbed his hand and pushed it away. </p><p>Joel’s face was completely flushed and his breath heavy against yours.</p><p>‘Fuck me,” you breathed and fumbled with his belt but this time he was the one to stop you.</p><p>‘Please,” he begged,’ You’re drunk, you don’t want this. Stop it-“</p><p>‘I know what I want,’ you whispered.</p><p>Joel wanted to protest again but it came out as just another moan when your hand sank down between his legs, rubbing his hardness through his pants, “Goddamn, Y/N.. fuck-“</p><p>He finally grabbed your hand and pulled it away from his cock. You let out a disappointed grunt and pouted your lips at him, the loss of your hand almost made him whimper but he held it together. He had to.</p><p>You then crawled from his lap and leaned back against the couch. Your head was pounding and you suddenly felt very tired.</p><p>Afraid to touch you again and fearing he wouldn’t be able to stop himself he only took the blanket and covered you with it after you lied down on the couch.</p><p>You mumbled something to him he couldn’t understand. With one last look at you he left the room.</p><p>Joel needed a shower, an ice cold shower.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Bright sunlight peaked through the windows the next morning, waking you up way too early. You let out a deep sigh and tried to cover your eyes to block it but it didn’t help much.<br/><br/>The sun was up and getting back to sleep would be impossible unless you got up and closed the blinds, which seemed like an impossible task right now.</p><p>You tried to sit up but as soon as you moved your head started to pound, and your stomach didn’t feel all that well either.<br/><br/>Why were you on the couch? Wearing the same clothes you had on last night? And why was that Ellie’s house..</p><p><em>Last night…</em><br/><br/>It came back to you in pieces, the party, Jordan and Noah, the alcohol. Oh there had been so much alcohol. <em>And Joel..</em><br/><br/>You remembered him defending you against Jordan and Noah. He drove you to his house.. and then you were on the couch with him..<br/><br/>As you processed the images in your head the whole night was put back together like a puzzle and suddenly you remembered everything, <em>every</em> <em>little embarrassing detail…</em></p><p>“Fuck..” you buried your head into a pillow and let out a frustrated silent scream.</p><p>“Good morning.” Joel’s voice came out as a deep gruff as he walked down the stairs.<br/><br/>You instantly turned away from him, unable to look him in the eyes. He noticed the blush crawling up on your cheeks and the way your body tensed up.<br/><br/>“You okay?” he asked. As he woke up this morning he hoped you wouldn’t remember last night, but as he came dow the stairs and saw you screamed into the pillow he knew you remembered everything.</p><p>You nodded slowly and still didn’t look at him. He cleared his throat then and made his way over to the kitchen. </p><p>“You uh- want a coffee?” He said while turning on the coffee machine.</p><p>You stood up, grabbed the bottle of water and gulped the whole thing down. “Sure, but- uh let me just go to the bathroom real quick.”</p><p>He watched how you hastily gathered up your purse and walked upstairs.</p><p>After you washed your face, brushed your hair and tried to look decent you made your way downstairs again.</p><p>Joel leaned against the counter, sipping his coffee. He was dressed in sweatpants and a grey shirt, arms crossed over his broad chest. </p><p>You grabbed the mug Joel held towards you then, taking small sips and also leaning against the counter.</p><p>It was silent for a while until Joel spoke up. “So I guess you uh- you remember?”</p><p>“Yeah..” you mumbled and continued sipping the coffee. </p><p>Then you looked at him for the first time this morning. “Joel- I’m sorry I- I didn’t mean to-“ </p><p>You were so embarrassed right know. So you turned around but he was pacing behind you, trying to get you to face him but you kept turning away, until he carefully took your shoulder and forced you to turn around, “Hey, look at me.”</p><p>“It was the alcohol.” He spoke, looking down at you.</p><p>He raised his hand and gently put a stray lock of hair behind your ear. Joel didn’t know why he did that. He shouldn’t touch you at all. Especially not after last night.</p><p>“I would never let you do something you didn’t want to do.” He murmured low and you looked at him. You took a deep breath, shivering at the contact.</p><p><em>Even if you didn’t make it easy on me</em> <em>though</em> Joel thought, still watching you.</p><p>„I’m sorry.“ you apologized again. You didn’t know what else to say, he was so close to you and you felt helpless in his presence. </p><p>„There’s no need, it was just the alcohol, right?’ Joel then asked.</p><p>The question lingered between the both of you. Had it just been the alcohol? The way you felt about him, how much you wanted him…that had been there long before you ever took the first drink that night.<br/><br/>„Right?“ Joel asked again after clearing his throat, clearly waiting for an answer from you. Suddenly he was afraid. What if you say no? <em>What if-</em></p><p>The front door clicked open and Ruby ran downstairs, barking at Ellie who entered the house. </p><p>You both quickly stepped away from each other, turning towards Ellie. </p><p>“Y/N? What’re doing here?” She asked squatting down to stroke Ruby.</p><p>”Uh-I-“ you stammered, completely overstrained with the whole situation.</p><p>“Picked her up from the street while I was driving home from Tommy’s. She was too drunk to bring her home.” Joel said and opened the fridge.</p><p>”Slept on the couch.” He continued and pulled out some eggs and bacon. His tone was calm like nothing ever happened last night.</p><p>Ellie giggled, walking over to you. “Didn’t want Daddy to see you like that, uh?”</p><p>She bumped your shoulder as she passed you. You were so distracted by yourself and what happened yesterday you didn’t asked about her night.</p><p>”Yeah about that- I better go now.” “Stay for breakfast? I wanna know what you fucking did last night.” Ellie asked as she poured herself a cup of coffee.</p><p>”I’m not hungry.” You said too quickly and she frowned. “What’s up?” She asked you concerned. </p><p>You looked at Joel who stood behind her, glancing at you. “Nothing.” </p><p>“Yeah okay..” Ellie didn’t seem convinced but she let it go then. </p><p>“Dad can drive you if-“ “No worries, I’ll just walk.” You told her and stormed towards the front door. You pulled on your shoes and glanced back into the kitchen. </p><p>As Joel saw that you caught him looking at you he quickly averted his gaze. “I text you later!” Ellie shouted as you left the house without really saying goodbye. <em>Fucking shit.</em></p><hr/><p>Since you didn’t have any important things planned for the day you slept till late afternoon. You’re parents just ate breakfast as you entered the house, walking quickly up to your room after you mumbled a good morning to them.</p><p>After waking up your stomach felt a lot better but the shame and frustration was still there. Your dad knocked on your door after a while, asking if you were alright or if you want something to eat. You told him that you just drunk a little to much but were okay now after you slept.<br/><br/>When Ellie texted you a little while later you pretended the whole night was a blur and you didn’t remember anything except falling asleep on the couch. You couldn’t bear to tell her what really happened.</p><p>She of course told you everything about Dina and what she did that night. You wondered that she could still remember everything. How was that possible? </p><p>You agreed to meet tomorrow to go swimming again. After that you wanted to have dinner at the diner and then go to Ellie to watch something on Netflix. You hesitated at first but that was just ridiculous. You couldn’t avoid Joel forever now. </p><p>Joel wasn’t there as you entered the house. Ruby neither. They probably were out for a walk. You felt slightly relieved at that.</p><p>Ellie immediately turned on the TV and got comfortable on the couch after she grabbed some drinks from the fridge. </p><p>You also snuggled into the cushions and began to watch some random horror movie. </p><p>You couldn’t really focus on the movie. Thinking about Joel and how you would interact with him when he would finally come home. No matter how hard you tried to push your feelings aside, you couldn’t. It wasn’t making any sense. Why couldn’t you let this go? </p><p>Suddenly Ellie’s phone rang and she jumped up. “Hello?” </p><p>You looked at her and frowned. </p><p>“Dina? Hi-“ She said and paced around the living room. “Yeah- I know..this was crazy!” She laughed and you sighed. Great, it wouldn’t take long and they both would get together. Sure you would be happy for her, but Ellie would be moving to San Francisco. You didn’t know if this was a good idea. Beginning a relationship with a person so far away..</p><p>”Let me just-“ Ellie put a hand over her phone. “It’s Dina I-“ “Go, it’s okay.” You smiled and she thanked you and already walked up to her room. <br/><br/>You stopped the film and grabbed the empty bottles, walking into the kitchen. You washed your hands when you heard him.</p><p>”Yeah, good girl, c’mon.” Joel walked in with Ruby. He pulled out of his boots, rubbing his hair in the process.</p><p>“For gods sake.” He gasped as he spotted you in the kitchen. </p><p>Ruby barked and ran towards you. “Did I scare you?” You asked amused, stroking Ruby’s head. </p><p>He didn’t say anything, only walking to  the counter and put his keys down.</p><p>”Where’s Ellie?” He asked after clearing his throat. He barely looked at you.</p><p>”Uh- she speaks with a friend- it’s kinda a private thing so she went to her room.” You told him awkwardly and watched how Ruby made her way over to the living room.</p><p>The silence was driving Joel crazy. He wanted to know—needed to know if it really just was the alcohol the other day. He didn’t know why it suddenly was so important to him but he thought of you. The night after you left, yesterday and the whole fucking day.</p><p>Each step he made, growing closer to you, things were beginning to feel hotter and constricting. </p><p>His eyes looking longingly into yours, almost as if he were searching for something. <em>But what exactly?</em></p><p>You turned around to dry your hands with the towel, unable to look at him any longer.</p><p>As you opened your mouth to break the silence, you instantly closed your mouth again after the sound of footsteps grew nearer. </p><p>You turned around, leaning back against the sink as you watched how he slightly bend over you to close the cupboard over your head. <em>Why was it even open?</em></p><p>You swallowed and watched how his eyes lingered on your lips. Your breath hitched to the back of your throat, scared to move a single muscle. His hand still rested against the shelf’s door, slightly cornering you in.</p><p>“Cupboard was open..” His voice was just above a whisper and he thought how dumb he must sounded like.</p><p>You slightly opened your mouth, knowing you should say something, but no words came out. </p><p>A rough hand came up to cup your cheek and you immediately let out a sigh. <em>Just fucking go, Miller.</em></p><p>He had the chance to stop it right now and walk away but he leaned closer and closer, breath fanning over your whole face and made you shiver.</p><p>Joel tipped your head slightly up, forcing  you to crank your neck up so you could gaze into him. And the temptation was to big. Your lips looked to inviting and your eyes..how you looked at him, slightly with hope and adoration. <br/><br/>You looked up at him with childlike innocence. And he lost all train of thought instantly. </p><p>“Don’t look at me like that,” he whispered suddenly. </p><p>“Like what?“ And the way you bit your lip only drove him deeper into the madness of lust.<br/><br/>Joel whispered your name and he couldn’t take it anymore. The tension was beginning to be too much. The moment his lips pressed against yours, chills covered you completely.</p><p>Everything felt still like time had froze. And you were lost in the moment. Lost in his kiss, quickly motioning back and caving into him. </p><p>You were afraid to touch him, like if you did he might pull away then and see what kind of terrible mistake he just made.</p><p>His hand still rested on top of the shelf, and he was leaning himself slightly into you. The other hand gently massage the back of your neck, gripping you firmly like you might pull away from him if he didn’t.</p><p>Suddenly Joel’s phone rang and he slowly pulled away from your lips. He panted into your open mouth as his hand that rest on your neck began to search for his phone. You breathed heavy, watching how he searched his jeans pockets.</p><p>“Yeah?“ He spoke low after clearing his throat, finally stepping completely away from you and ran his hand nervously through his hair. </p><p>You were flushed and rooted to the floor, barely hearing how he telephoned. Squeezing your eyes for a moment and processing what just happened you walked into the living room to get your purse. </p><p>It was best if you just go now. You pulled on your shoes and grabbed your jacket.</p><p>“Tommy wait a sec‘,“ Joel walked towards you but you only stepped closer to the door. „Say Ellie I went home.“ you mumbled without looking at him again and finally left the house. </p><p>
  <em>Did you just kissed? </em>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Y/N and Joel finally doing it 😱</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Joel hated himself. And not because he kissed you, but because he wanted to do it again. And for that, he knew he would burn in hell. To want a girl who could be his own daughter. And this fucking scared him.</p><p>He never kissed a woman this young. He actually didn’t kissed someone for a long time. Since he was extremely busy with the shop the last couple years, he wasn’t able to build a relationship with someone. <br/><br/>He also didn’t want to. Joel was always reserved. When he was out with Tommy or with someone else he didn’t was the man who get himself a girl for the night. It was hard for him to find a true connection because he wasn’t easy himself. </p><p>This now with you? It was a nightmare. He knew you since you were a kid. He practically saw how you grown up. If that wasn’t awkward.</p><p>But finally seeing you after you came back again? It was shock. You two always shared something. Your humor, your same reservation towards people and your calm personality. Even if you sometimes were a crazy little mix like Ellie. He liked that. </p><p>You had a calm side and a really warm one. You always asked him how he was doing. And you had that special thing on you that kept him drawn to you. Without knowing it he felt for that. </p><p>It was for the best if he just stuck his feelings far away now. And also pretend this didn’t happen at all. But he knew it wouldn’t be this easy. <br/><br/>Ellie didn’t notice anything. She was too busy with her new friend. Joel noticed that there was something up. Dina apparently wasn’t just a friend to Ellie. It was kinda strange but he always thought about Ellie being different in that way.<br/>At least he didn’t have to worry about assholes getting near her.</p><p>The last two days he didn’t hear from you. You also weren’t with Ellie because she didn’t mention your name. <br/><br/>It was late evening as Joel laid on the couch with Ruby. Ellie was out with this Dina girl again and not with you. It was odd but he was also glad that he didn’t have to see you after the kiss.</p><p>It just started to rain heavy. Probably a summer thunderstorm. Ruby howled as a deep thunder rang through the night. “Shh girl.” He mumbled and gently pet her to calm her down.</p><p>Suddenly the doorbell rang. Did Ellie forget something? </p><p>He sighed but stood up, walking to the door. Joel swallowed hard as he saw who it was. You stood in the doorway. Wearing a thin white summer dress, completely soaked and shivering from head to toe. He could see the clear outline of your full breasts. Your nipples were taut from the cold, your teeth chattering. <em>Yeah, great.</em></p><p>”Ellie isn’t-“ “I know. I locked myself out. And my parents are in Dallas today.. they won’t be back until tomorrow.” You spoke a bit embarrassed at your clumsiness.</p><p>Joel hesitated for a moment but then stepped aside, letting you in. He stood before you, his eyes dancing over your rain soaked form from head to toe. Finally, his gaze settled onto your face.</p><p>It was silent for a while until you spoke. “I uh- I go take a shower..” You nibbled on your lip nervously. Joel was kinda paralyzed, not speaking at all. So you slowly made your way up to the bathroom.</p><p>Just when he heard the water turn on moments later, he sulked into the kitchen, taking a deep breath and making some coffee. He just let the devil in his house again.</p><p>He stared into nothing for a while, thinking. No matter the cost, he was ready and eager to embrace the unknown with you. Consequences be damned. There was no time left for second guessing.</p><p></p><div>
  <p>“Damn it.” He cursed and bolted out of the kitchen and charged towards the bathroom. But as he stood before the bathroom door he wasn’t so sure anymore. </p>
  <p>He was about to turn around when you opened the door. You frowned, wondering why he stood there.</p>
  <p>Joel stopped when he saw you. A white towel wrapped around you, to hide your nakedness, it barely reached mid-thigh.</p>
  <p>“Sorry- I just uh-I” He whispered, stepping away from you. </p>
  <p>You swallowed hard, grabbing the towel more firmer and closed the door behind you. You both stood in the hallway.</p>
  <p>”Yeah?” You whispered, eyes searching for his.</p>
  <p>”About the thing- uh about what happened..” He mumbled, scratching his neck. </p>
  <p>“We better forget that it happened at all.” He said finally.</p>
  <p>“What if I can’t.” You whispered, watching him carefully.</p>
  <p>”You better do.” He murmured low, slightly in a warning tone.</p>
  <p>“Joel I-“ “We’re done here.” He turned around but you grabbed gently his arm. He froze at your sudden action.</p>
  <p>”Stop fighting this. Stop fighting <em>me</em>.” You  whispered and stepped closer to him. Your hands lifted to cup his jaw, his beard rough against your skin. Your fingers traced delicate lines along his face. Joel hummed, pleased by the simple caress.</p>
  <p>“You kissed me and-“ “I should’ve never done this.” He murmured low and grabbed your wrists, gently pulling your hands away.</p>
  <p>You swallowed before answering with, “So you regret it?” </p>
  <p>He frowned, looking at you. Joel watched your face, how your lip trembled, eyes glassy with tears.<br/><br/>“Fuck this,” He growled before he was reaching out, cupping your face with his hands, tipping softly your chin up. You moved up to met him.</p>
  <p>He kissed you slowly. <em>Gently</em>. His hands were slightly shaking and you had your arms wrapped around his neck and your body pressed against his like it belonged there.</p>
  <p>You pulled away, breath warm where his neck met his shoulder.</p>
  <p>He also breathed out, exhaled shallow and shaky, but his eyes were steady on yours. <br/><br/>But Joel framed your face again with his hands and slanted his mouth over yours and deepened the kiss, his tongue parting your lips and pushing in and scraping over your teeth, across the roof of your mouth.</p>
  <p>You tasted exactly like the other day, sweet and so fucking perfect that for a moment he was left wondering if this was even real. You noticed how he slightly moved you backwards towards his room.</p>
  <p>His hand grabbed behind you to open the door. Joel pushed you gently in his room, never stopping the kiss.</p>
  <p>His hand was moving down from your face to the hem of your towel. He pulled at it and it fell to the floor. You now stood completely naked before him.</p>
  <p>But there was no time for being shy because Joel leaned in and kissed you again, one hand on the curve of your waist, fingers digging in, and he was urging you closer until your naked body was pressed up so close to his that he could feel your heartbeat against his chest, the rapid rise-and-fall of your breathing as he kept kissing you.</p>
  <p>Your hand wrapped around the back of his neck again and your teeth scraped over his bottom lip, half-smiling against his mouth when he made a sound almost like a growl and kneaded your soft hips yanking you even closer.</p>
  <p>Your skin was so fucking soft and warm under his calloused hands and <em>fuck</em> when he dragged his thumb across your nipple you made a noise like a sigh, or maybe a moan, shallow and soft, and you raked your nails down his biceps.</p>
  <p>“Jesus,” Joel whispered, slightly pulling away from you, immediately his mouth descended over the soft column of your throat and then down to your collarbones, your breasts, kissing every inch of skin he could reach with a sort of reverence he didn’t know he was capable of.</p>
  <p>You whimpered and leaned into the feeling of his mouth, gasping out his name in a breathless, needy way that hit him hard, made his cock ache in the rough confines of his boxers as he sucked a bruise into your skin where your shoulder meets your neck– half because he want to and half because it was a proof that this was real. <br/><br/>In the back of his mind, Joel thought of all the ways he could talk himself out of this, all the countless reasons why he shouldn’t let this get any worse or any more permanent, but he found that he didn’t care.</p>
  <p>You kissed him and he tugged you closer, a low groan vibrating somewhere in his throat at how effortlessly your body fit against his.</p>
  <p>You pulled away after that and slowly dragged him towards the bed. <em>You needed to feel him.</em></p>
  <p>There was a bruise blossoming on your neck and your mouth was swollen and red, and Joel stopped and stared and the only thing he could think of. <em>I did that..</em></p>
  <p>“Fuck,” he groaned out, the noise low and unsurprisingly aggressive.<br/><br/>He heard the rustle of the comforter against the mattress as you moved onto it, and Joel followed, wrenched his shirt up over his head and tossed it to the floor and then easily pushed your legs apart to took the space between them.</p>
  <p>Your nails immediately dug into his shoulders, not enough to really hurt, and you dragged him down into another kiss, the movement of your mouth against his mirroring the slow, languid roll of your hips. Your naked core rubbing against his jeans.</p>
  <p>“Fucking hell,” he muttered, biting your bottom lip just hard enough to made you gasp against his mouth and relishing in how you reacted to him, honest and real in a way he didn’t expect.</p>
  <p>His breathing was ragged. His pulse was thundering. The air was thick with something that felt like static electricity, sharp and heavy, like in the moments before a storm.</p>
  <p>Joel’s eyes raked up your naked body almost of their own volition, taking in the swell of your soft breasts and the curve of your stomach and then trailing down,  down– </p>
  <p>“Joel-“ you muttered, squirming under the heat of his gaze, and any hint of defiance was gone at this point, replaced by pent-up, repressed longing. </p>
  <p>“Y/N,” he rasped, not sure if he had even meant to say it out loud, and then he was undoing his belt and fumbling with the button on his jeans, discarding his clothes in a bundle and closing the space between them with a newfound desperation.</p>
  <p>You leaned up and met him halfway, and the kiss was frantic and messy and  perfect. His weight pinned you down to the bed and his desire was all-consuming, white-hot in the pit of his stomach as you rocked up against him, the friction making him groan. It was the first time in a long time that he wanted something this badly, and the feeling of your bare skin was like a fucking drug.</p>
  <p>His hand slipped down your stomach, moved in between your thighs, and you were wet, <em>fuck</em>, his fingers were slick against your skin and when he touched you, you choked out a soft, trembling moan, and he realized distantly that he was so fucking hard it <em>hurts– </em></p>
  <p>”Joel, please,” you whispered, a little desperately, rocking your hips up into his hand, looking for friction, and his breath just fucking faltered, <em>shit</em>, the arm supporting his weight on the bed was trembling and he couldn’t think of anything he wanted more in this moment than <em>you</em>.</p>
  <p>“<em>Fuck</em>-“ Joel groaned, pressing two fingers inside of you and curling them up, and your answering moan was needy and helpless and when he started to fuck you with his fingers you melted underneath him in the best way.<br/><br/>“Feels so food,” you whispered, eyes closed and trying to sound decent but failing miserably as you voice wavered and dissolved into a breathy moan.</p>
  <p>Joel exhaled shakily, watching your face how it concentrated in pleasure.</p>
  <p>His cock pressed up against the inside of your thigh, hot and hard, and then you rocked your hips up against him and he groaned, the sound frantic, desperate, dragging you into a soft kiss.</p>
  <p>After he pulled his fingers from you he trusted into you, in one fluid motion.</p>
  <p>“Ah–shit,” he grunted, against your open, waiting mouth, eyes closed and face tense and the muscles in his arms and upper back strung taut, tense with the effort of holding himself still.</p>
  <p>There was a moment of silence– a moment of  stillness–  that was strangely intimate, warm and familiar and right, his breathing ragged and unsteady against your neck as Joel struggled to held on to the quickly-fading remains of his self-control.</p>
  <p>He slowly moved.</p>
  <p>Your answering moan was soft and the warmth of your combined body heat was heady and suffocating–sweat beaded on his forehead and your breath ghosted hot across his collarbones as he moved and as you rolled your hips up to met him.</p>
  <p>His forehead was pressed against yours and your noses were bumping as he kissed you, open-mouthed and messy, catching your gasp and his answering groan as you tightened around him, hot and wet and just perfect.</p>
  <p>The way you dragged your palms down his chest and across the wide expanse of his shoulders was desperate, almost like you were looking for something to hold on to as he thrusted in a little harder. He watched as his cock moved in and out of you, down to the base until your hips were pressed together and then back again.</p>
  <p>„Oh fuuuck,“ you moaned, biting into the tight, sinewy curve of his shoulder just enough to made him growl, and made his rhythm stutter, and made his hips snap forward hard.</p>
  <p>Whatever Joel was going to say in response was replaced with a desperate, needy growl at the way you moaned with the rock of his body.</p>
  <p>A shiver trembled down your spine, liquid and involuntary, and he could feel the way your muscles tighten around his cock, could hear the creaking of the bedsprings and the sharp, ragged sounds of his own breathing and nothing else really seemed to matter except what was happening right then.</p>
  <p>He didn’t care about the past, or the future, or anything except the way you melted when he kissed you and how you arched your hips to met his and moaned into his mouth at the feeling, simultaneously overwhelmed and wanting more.</p>
  <p>Joel snapped his hips forwards and he watched you tremble, watched your mouth parted for a gasp and how you never stopped looking at him, not even for a second. Your eyes were bright, clear and warm, and he wondered if you had always looked at him like that, if maybe he just never noticed.</p>
  <p>You gasped, tripping over the words, a little desperate and a lot frantic as you grind up against him, one hand tangled in his hair and the other somewhere on the expanse of his shoulder.</p>
  <p>Joel was acutely aware of your body pressed up against his own, slick with sweat and incredibly fucking warm and so soft, your face buried in his shoulder and your breath hot against his skin and your body soft and pliant and perfect  underneath him.</p>
  <p>Everything about this was driving him fucking crazy and Joel wanted it for so  long that it was hard to focus, that everything else was a colorless, meaningless blur in the background and all he could see was you, back arching and muscles tensing and calling out his name as you came hard.</p>
  <p>And it was fucking beautiful, and  perfect, and exactly how he imagined while also being so much better. You trembled and tightened around him in the most delicious way and the moan you released was wonderfully helpless and whatever remaining scrapped of decorum he had left just fucking dissolve.</p>
  <p>His thrusts became erratic, his rhythm faltered and he realized, distantly, that he wasn’t going to last much longer as you rocked against him until he could barely think straight.</p>
  <p>“Y/N,” he muttered, and choked out a curse, buried his face in your shoulder and relished in it, in the closeness and the shared body heat and the feeling of being here, <em>with you</em>, like this, until his body faltered and his weight came down onto his forearms and his orgasm was wrenched through him like a fucking  revelation. </p>
  <p>Joel didn’t move for a long moment. Nothing seemed to matter anymore except the warmth of where your bodies were still joined, the sound of your  combined breathing, and the ache of the emotions you had unleashed on one another. It was a brief moment of peace for him, and he thought you must feel the same.</p>
  <p>Joel then carefully pulled out of you, slipping a bit further down your body. Even if the apex of your thighs were aching and feeling like jelly, you let him stay there. You let him kiss your bellybutton softly and play with the hair that had fallen over your shoulders, resting upon your breasts. He glided a finger across your nipple, hardening it further. </p>
  <p>Outside the rain still poured down. The sky rumbled with thunder and the bedroom brightened every time the lightning struck. </p>
  <p>You absently stroked Joel’s hair and neck.  Softly carding your fingers through the grey brown strands, earning a tired hum from him.</p>
  <p>When your fingers stopped after a while he looked up. You had fallen asleep. </p>
  <p>Joel took the opportunity to carefully get up. He pulled the sheets over your naked body, slightly caressed your cheek afterwards.</p>
  <p>He then pulled on his boxers and sat down on the edge of the bed, head in his hands, thinking, <em>regretting?</em></p>
  <p>
    <em>Yeah, what the fuck had he done?</em>
  </p>
</div>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Guys I must confess that I personally like Nikolaj better as Joel then Pedro 🤔 but who knows, maybe I’ll change my mind later..</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>When morning came, you found yourself tangled amongst the soft sheets. <em>Naked, in Joel’s bed. </em></p><p>You quickly sat up, holding the sheets around your chest. <em>Fuck</em>.</p><p>You slept with him. </p><p>“Oh god.” You whispered but tried to stay calm as possible. Looking around the room you noticed he wasn’t there. Probably out for a morning walk with Ruby.</p><p>So what now? Your parents were still in Dallas at this stupid seminar or congress for their praxis. You couldn’t go home. Do you even want to? </p><p>Slowly you made your way to the bathroom, hoping he really was out with Ruby because you had to walk naked over there. His clothes and the towel from the previous night were gone. But to your luck the dress had dried and you pulled it on.</p><p>As you caught yourself in the bathroom mirror your eyes danced over every inch of exposed flesh. You didn’t look any different. Your reflection was remarkably the same. But you felt changed. As if finally sleeping with Joel, in any capacity beyond the standard, had made you something else entirely.</p><p></p><div>
  <p>You sighed heavy, making your way downstairs. Turning on the coffee machine you thought about Ellie. If she ever find out that you and-</p>
  <p>Joel came through the back door with Ruby, running his hand through his hair. Tired, confused. There were too many different emotions running through him, it was starting to become overwhelming.</p>
  <p>He glanced at you as he spotted you in the kitchen, making coffee. You turned around as you heard them. Swallowing hard you greeted him.</p>
  <p>”Hi.” You watched how he walked towards you, leaning against the counter opposite you. “Mornin’.” He grumbled, arms crossed over his chest. </p>
  <p>As Joel looked at you just one constant thing roaming through his mind. He couldn’t have feelings for you. He just couldn’t. But everything had change last night. He knew it was too late. The worst had already happened. </p>
  <p>“I know that it was a mistake-“ he said, staring at his feet.</p>
  <p>“And I have been losing my mind over everything, about you and me, what happened-“ </p>
  <p>Joel paused, meeting your gaze. “You showed up out of nowhere and—I really don’t know how this all- I mean-“</p>
  <p>You weren’t sure what to do or say but stand there, watching him intensely.</p>
  <p>“I kinda feel sorry but then again not. What I’m knowing and I’m clear about this one is that - I uh-“ He cleared his throat looking at you.</p>
  <p>”I just can’t stop thinking about you.” He murmured low and your breath hitched.</p>
  <p>How did this even happen? You hadn’t seen each other in years and after a couple days, it was instant. Like it had come out like one of these movies. <em>Really?</em></p>
  <p>“That’s why I need you to tell me to stop it. Because I’m not capable of it.” You slightly opened your mouth, knowing you should say no, but no words came out. </p>
  <p>“Tell me to stop, and we’re done.” His voice was low, almost like a growl and it only made you want him more. </p>
  <p>Joel was torn, knowing he should’ve never crossed the line, but it was too late. There was no turning back now. And though it wasn’t right, he didn’t want to go back.</p>
  <p>He didn’t felt this good in a long time. Joel wouldn’t say he just did it because for his benefits, but yeah, he was a selfish person in that way. And when he really wanted something; he would make sure he got it. Consequences be damned in every way. </p>
  <p>Without realizing, he stood just inches in front of you, towering over you. Forcing you to crank your neck up so you could gaze into him. </p>
  <p>“I don’t want to stop.” You mumbled and that was all he needed, and suddenly, his rough hands cupped the back of your head and crashed his lips against yours. </p>
  <p>Soft grunts escaped him as he deepened the kiss, while his hands slid down to your waist. Your fingers were in his hair as your lips molded against his. You were both so caught up in each other, taking every second in. </p>
  <p>You were both lost in each other. Lost in the moment, caving into one another. <br/><br/>His lips began traveling down to your neck. He grazed his tongue over your skin just before his teeth pressed into you and forced another moan out of you. </p>
  <p>This was wrong on so many levels. You were slowly falling for a man who was older than you and worst of all, Ellie’s dad. <br/><br/>Joel softy ran his hands down your shoulders, leaving tender lines across your arms. He leaned in, kissing your neck tenderly.</p>
  <p class="p1">
    <span class="s1">You tilted your head back to gave him better access. Your body bended to his will, automatically giving in to everything he needed and desired.<br/></span>
  </p>
  <p class="p1">
    <span class="s1">He gladly continued a trail up your neck, sucking on your tender flesh with enough force to leave a mark or two. You moaned and pulled him closer, uncaring.</span>
  </p>
  <p class="p1">
    <span class="s1">“I want you... so much-” Your hands trembled atop his shoulders as you struggled to say the words.</span>
  </p>
  <p class="p1"><span class="s1">Joel walked you towards the kitchen table and pulled you gently up so you could sit on it. His palms pressed into your parted thighs, pushing them further apart.</span> </p>
  <p class="p1">
    <span class="s1">His lips found yours again in a desperate kiss, all tongue and teeth and savage desire, muddled only by his dulled reflexes. But when his phone buzzed in his jeans, you pulled away. </span>
  </p>
  <p class="p1">
    <span class="s1">“Do you need to get that?” You asked, but your voice was breathless and needy. You threaded your fingers through his hair, tugging him further down into you to took his mouth once more. </span>
  </p>
  <p class="p1">
    <span class="s1">“Fuck that.” Joel moaned into your mouth. Drowning in his own pleasure and desire.</span>
  </p>
  <p class="p1">
    <span class="s1">One hand reached up and pulled the straps of your dress down, kneading your bare breast, as he sunk his teeth into your neck. You gasped and locked your legs around him, holding him to you.<br/></span>
  </p>
  <p class="p1">
    <span class="s1">Again, his phone began to buzz, this time from a call rather than a simple text. With a groan of annoyance, Joel reached in his pocket and answered it.</span>
  </p>
  <p class="p1">
    <span class="s1">“What?” He snapped in annoyance. His rough hand caressed your breast.</span>
  </p>
  <p class="p1"><span class="s1">”Tommy,” </span>he muttered under his breath. “What’s up?”</p>
  <p class="p1">
    <span class="s1">Still, he didn’t stop. He delicately traced a finger across the side of your breast. You sighed and leaned into the curve of his neck. Your nails dug into his back in warning.</span>
  </p>
  <p class="p1">
    <span class="s1">“Not tonight,” His finger stroked across your perked nipple.</span>
  </p>
  <p class="p1"><span class="s1">“I think I’m uh- kinda busy today.” </span>Your eyes widen as you pulled back to look at him directly.</p>
  <p class="p1">He peered down at you with a mischievous grin. “No, that’s not it. I’m good, yeah- better than ever actually.” He took your exposed nipple between his fingertips, pinching.</p>
  <p class="p1">You stifled a moan by biting down hard upon your lip. The metallic taste of blood flooded your mouth. You released your hold with a groan of displeasure. Joel  was quick to grab your chin, examining the self-inflicted wound.</p>
  <p class="p1">
    <span class="s1">“Clumsy girl,” he growled in a low whisper as he ran his thumb across your wounded lip.</span>
  </p>
  <p class="p1">
    <span class="s1">”Nothing.” Joel said after clearing his throat. Tommy asked him probably what he had said.</span>
  </p>
  <p class="p1">
    <span class="s1">You moaned in surprise as his fingers trailed down and pushed your dress up, finding the wetness of your sex slick and ready.</span>
  </p>
  <p class="p1">
    <span class="s1">Joel himself stifled a groan. Tommy continued talking about the new customer and what they need to get done for the new contract. He could barely hear his little brother on the other end, too engulfed in the way you moved under his touch.</span>
  </p>
  <p class="p1"><span class="s1">Somehow he finally managed to get rid of Tommy and put the phone back in his jeans pocket. Joel </span>stopped his actions, if only for a moment, before he tenderly stroked your folds again.</p>
  <p class="p1">He growled into your neck in satisfaction. No longer ashamed to indulge in the truth of his affections for you. To show you just how much you had weakened him.</p>
  <p class="p1">“This fucking idiot always calls at the wrong time.” He spoke annoyed and groaned when his fingertips pushed inside, enough to made you wither beneath him.</p>
  <p class="p1">
    <span class="s1">Your face felt too hot, too flushed by a shame you couldn’t ignore. You were making out in the kitchen. It was dirty and hot and you loved it.<br/></span>
  </p>
  <p class="p1">
    <span class="s1">His fingers slide in deeper, curling upward to found that hidden spot that made your knees tremble beneath his hold.</span>
  </p>
  <p class="p1">
    <span class="s1">“There you go,” he spoke in a low husky voice as he thrusted harder into you. His thumb pressed into your swollen clit. You cried out for him.</span>
  </p>
  <p class="p1">
    <span class="s1">He fucked you faster with his fingers, a grin forming on his lips.</span>
  </p>
  <p class="p1">
    <span class="s1">“Shit,” You moaned and closed your eyes, beginning to grind against his hand, riding his finger with each thrust of your hips.</span>
  </p>
  <p class="p1">
    <span class="s1">You could feel the crest of your impending release, the heat growing low in your belly. You let out a long thin moan when you came on his fingers. Joel didn’t stop his ministrations, fucking you with his fingers until you were spent, watching your face the whole time.</span>
  </p>
  <p class="p1">
    <span class="s1">Your hands grabbed his shoulders and pulled him closer. You kissed him breathless and twitched slightly as he pulled his fingers finally from you.</span>
  </p>
  <p class="p1">Joel’s breath was heavy he tried to process what just happened. He was about to say something when he noticed how you tried to open his belt. </p>
  <p class="p1">„Y/N, stop - wait,“ He grabbed gently your hands and pulled them away. “You don’t want-“ “Oh I want to, trust me. But not in the kitchen.” </p>
  <p class="p1">You chuckled and hopped from the table. “You just-“ “Yeah, yeah, I know. Doesn’t mean it was a good idea though.” He answered with a chuckle, then pulling you closer to him. </p>
  <p class="p1">“I liked it.” You murmured, looking how he licked his lips. “I bet you did.” He whispered low, leaning down and pressed his lips against yours, kissing you softly.</p>
  <p class="p1">“So what now?” You asked when you slowly pulled away.</p>
  <p class="p1">He ran his hand through his hair, letting out a sigh. Walking over to the coffee machine he pulled out two cups from the cupboard. </p>
  <p class="p1">“I guess we can’t ignore the fact that we definitely attract to each other.” He spoke as he poured some coffee for the two of you. <em>Yeah no shit, you just fucked yesterday.</em></p>
  <p class="p1">“Neither can I stop this thing, and apparently you neither.” He said, walking over to you and gave you the cup, after he poured some coffee.</p>
  <p class="p1">He was right. But how would you figure this out now? You would only be home for the summer. In about four weeks you would be back in San Francisco again. Would it even last this long? </p>
  <p class="p1">And what about Ellie? What if she found out? <em>Your parents.. </em></p>
  <p class="p1">It was a mess. You really better stop it before it was too late. It already was too late. <em>Right? </em></p>
  <p class="p1">But you couldn’t help yourself. All you knew was that you didn’t want this to end. And that you wanted him. <em>You wanted him bad.</em></p>
  <p class="p1">And for now the feeling to finally have him, was more important then to think about the consequences of your next actions.</p>
</div>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>You like the story guys?</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Did I already tell you guys how much I love this grumpy old man 🥺</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The following days you didn’t see Joel often. It was to risky to try again after you slept with him the other day. </p><p>Ellie was always around and could see you. It was torture to see him but you couldn’t do anything else except to wait for another opportunity to get him alone. </p><p>But at least you had a good time with your friends. You were often at your house with Ellie, Jesse and also Dina, bathing in the pool and cook dinner together. Driving to the diner and enjoying delicious food, walking to the forest near the neighborhood and chill at the lake you always were when you were kids. </p><p>Since Ellie and Dina kissed at the party she always was around. You didn’t know if they were a couple now but you liked it. They were cute together and you really liked Dina. Ellie didn’t really spoke with you about her relationship with Dina. But that was okay. You didn’t want to push her. It also was her first real relationship with someone. </p><p>You just worried about what would happen when she finally would move to San Francisco. It was just like the same with you and Joel.</p><p>You hung out at the mall and went to the drive-in theater with a couple of people from your former Highschool class. Yeah, everything was fun but you couldn’t wait until you were alone with Joel again. </p><p>It was also strange for Joel. He saw you around the suburbs with your friends, Ellie. He saw you at the diner and in the city when you ran errands with your parents. It was awkward when you only greeted him with a short hello and barely looked at him. </p><p>You had to see him again. But when was the right opportunity? <em>This all sucks.</em></p><p>To get him off your mind you began to jog in the evening. So it was late when you came home from a long walk around the neighborhood.</p><p>You were half the day busy with college stuff and checked mails, just making sure you didn’t miss anything important. </p><p>As you opened the door you heard voices in the kitchen. One deep and low and you immediately tensed up when you noticed who it was.</p><p>”Ah no it’s okay, you don’t-“ “Nonsense! You’re already here. So you can stay for dinner.” </p><p>You pulled out of your sneakers and put your headphones out of your ears. </p><p>You breathed hard when you entered the kitchen, still very out of breath from the jog. </p><p>Joel turned around when he heard footsteps behind him and swallowed hard as he saw you. You wear dressed in a light pink sports bra and grey yoga pants. You breathed heavy and your breasts moved with every breath you took. Sweat was forming on your bare chest and ran down into your cleavage into your- </p><p>“Hi sweetie, do you mind if Joel stays for dinner? Do you even eat with us?” Your mum asked, looking at you. </p><p>You didn’t say anything for a moment, too caught up in the way Joel checked you out. </p><p>“I uh- yeah I planned on staying for dinner.” You murmured and blinked a few times.</p><p>”How was your run?” Your dad asked, walking from the <a href="https://pin.it/4Lxo7Xt">living room</a> over to you.</p><p>”Yeah good. I - uh better go take a shower.” You spoke and quickly made your way upstairs. <em>Fucking shit.</em> </p><p>After you showered you dressed into leggings and a hoodie, your hair braided into a long french braid.</p><p>Your dad sat into the living room with Joel, talking. </p><p>“Y/N could you please put this on the table.” Your mum said and pointing to the dishes on the counter. Nodding you grabbed them and walking over to the table, putting the bowls down.</p><p>”You remember Justin Conner?” You looked at your mum, a frown on your face but nodding. He was a former college friend from your dad.</p><p>“He asked your dad about Joel’s shop. He need furniture for his new office in Dallas. We visited him last week when we were there.”</p><p>You guessed with that was your question answered why Joel was here. “I see.” You mumbled and watched them.</p><p>”Yeah, apart from that, Joel wasn’t here for a long time. I just ..” Your mum stopped cutting the bread, looking at you. “I wonder if he’s alone.. you know? He’s always alone..” She mumbled and continued cutting.</p><p>You gulped. “Yeah, maybe.” </p><p>As everything was set on the table you sat down. Joel barely looked at you when you began to eat. It was a bit awkward but you mother kept up conversation. <br/><br/>It was strange to sat at the same table with Joel and your parents. Your answers were short just like Joel’s. Your parents knew that he wasn’t a big talker but back in the days your dad and him often watched football together. Today he hardly was seen around the neighborhood. </p><p>Joel knew your mother just wanted to be nice but he fucking hated every second he sat at the table.</p><p>He couldn’t get the thought out of his head; <em>you naked, under him.</em> All he could think of was how much he wanted to do that again. And what for a bad person he was, to even think about these things.</p><p>And now he ate dinner with your parents. This was wrong in so many ways. And when you began to talk about Ellie and your new Job.. <em>yeah</em>. It was a disaster. </p><p>You would be leaving in four weeks. This whole thing didn’t make any sense. But want he knew was that you wanted him and he wanted you. <br/><br/>“You want a bourbon?” Your father asked him after you and your mother cleaned the table. You stood in the kitchen, washing the dishes. </p><p>“No, it’s getting late anyway. I probably go..” Joel mumbled and thanked him.</p><p>He stood up and glanced at you. You also watched him and bit your lip, quickly looking away. </p><p>“You aren’t with Ellie today?” Your mother asked you as she put the plates in the cupboard. “No.” You murmured and watched Joel from the corner of your eye. </p><p>“She’s not coming home until tomorrow. There’s this super long drive-in theater movie night so ..” at that you turned again to look at Joel.</p><p>He looked at you with his hands in his pockets slowly walking into the hallway, a grin on his face. <em>Maybe you could-</em></p><p>“Ah I see.” Your mother said and closed the cupboard. “Why you didn’t go with her?” <br/><br/>You whipped your hands at the towel. “I uh-I’ll go later-“ you stammered, hoping she didn’t suspicious anything. </p><p>After your mom and dad said goodbye to Joel you went with him to the door and escort him outsides.</p><p>”So if that wasn’t awkward.” He mumbled without looking at you. You chuckled and sighed. “Sorry about that, my mum-“ “Is just fine.” He said and looked at you.</p><p>You didn’t say anything for a while. “You coming over later?” Joel whispered and slightly touched your hand. </p><p>Your fingertips barely touched one another. “Ask nicely.” You whispered and stepped closer.</p><p>He chuckled. “Would you <em>please</em> come over later-“ He also whispered, leaning down to speak in your ear. “- so I can fuck you again.” Your breath hitched and you pulled away from him. His eyes were hooded, looking down at you.</p><p>“Back door will be open.” With that he turned around and walked away. <em>Fucking hell?!</em></p><hr/><p>You quickly made yourself ready in your room. That meant putting on some nice lingerie. After that you told your parents you would go to the drive-in theater. </p><p>“You’re walking?” Your mother asked when she saw you didn’t grabbed your car keys. “I uh- I someone - I mean- uh Jesse picks me up at the post office.” You cringed at yourself but she believed you and wished you fun. </p><p>You walked carefully over to Joel’s house, always looking around so no one would see you. </p><p>No lights were on as you walked into the living room through the back door. </p><p>You pulled out of your sneakers and carefully put them near the door rug. Ruby was sleeping on her blanket near the couch.</p><p>You stepped further into the room. “Joel?” You whispered as you didn’t see him.</p><p>”Hey.” He came from the kitchen with two beers in his hand. “C’mon, sit down.” He nodded towards the couch. </p><p>“Are you trying to support my alcoholism? Didn’t you remember what happened the other night?” You grinned but walked over to him, sitting down beside him.</p><p>“Yeah, I know girl, but at least I can have an eye on you here.” He spoke and smiled at you. </p><p>“And what if I do something stupid again?” You took the beer from him, taking a big gulp afterwards.</p><p>“Oh, I hope you do.” He murmured low and also took a sip.</p><p>“Then I better start now.” You whispered and leaned closer to him after you set the bottle down on the table before you.</p><p>Joel watched how you softly cupped his check in one hand and stroked his beard. You leaned closer and kissed him gently. Your other hand slowly opened the buttons of his flannel. </p><p>“Only took one sip and she’s already on it.” He grumbled and leaned forward to put his beer on the table as well. </p><p>“Now it’s me? Forget what you said minutes ago?” You murmured and kissed his neck, fingers dancing over the hair on his chest. </p><p>It didn’t even took a minute to end up in his bedroom again.</p><p>Joel just got rid of your clothes except your lingerie in a really delicious slowly way.</p><p>You closed your eyes once you felt his lips on your shoulder from behind. His beard left goosebumps on your skin.</p><p>You reached back and griped his hair, slightly pulling on it. His moan sent shockwaves through your skin.</p><p>He cupped your breasts through your lace bra. Your sharp intake of breath and the fast heartbeat he felt when kissing your pulse point let him know you were really enjoying this.</p><p>The moan you let out when he pinched your nipple was borderline pornographic.</p><p>Joel quickly opened your bra then. The black lace falling to the floor as you shrugged it from your shoulders. <br/><br/>He hummed in affirmation as he moved his head down, the sound low against your ear. Pressing his face into your neck, his beard tickling you again, he inhaled long and slow, savouring the scent of you.</p><p>You turned your head to look at him. He looked in your eyes and leaned closer, capturing your lips in a firm kiss.</p><p>You hummed against his mouth, leaning into the kiss as his hand lifted and softly massaged your breast. His tongue teased against your lips, coaxing you to part them and you did, opening your mouth to him.</p><p>He tasted faintly of beer and something else, something sweet, and you want more.</p><p>His other hand pressing against your stomach, pushing you further against him as his other slide to your throat, just holding you in place.</p><p>You could feel him hardening against your ass and you rock your hips in response. Joel groaned into your mouth, his hand on your stomach sliding further down and into your panties. He slowly rubbed your wet folds and you couldn’t stop the moan that escaped you, your lips parting from his slightly. It was all he needed to hear. </p><p>“Yeah, you like that?” he groaned roughly, turning you around his hands moving to your hips as he walked you back a few steps.</p><p>You felt the edge of the bed against your calves and by the gentle pressure on your hips from his thumbs, you knew to fall back on to it. Gazing up at him, your chest rise and fell a little faster as you watched him undo the next few buttons on his flannel.</p><p>Joel continued to hold your gaze as he dropped to his knees, his hands moving to your ankles to part your legs.</p><p>Leaning forward, his hands settling on your waist, he pressed a warm, open-mouthed kiss on the waistline of your panties, then another to your hip with a low hum, then another to your thigh.</p><p>Licking your suddenly dry lips, your hands moved down to cover his forearms, your fingertips caressing the cold metal of his watch.</p><p>“Don’t tease me.” you murmured, raising your hips off the mattress an inch or so.<br/><br/>He lifted his head from where he was being kissing the inside of your thigh and smirked.</p><p>Suddenly, he pressed a kiss to the centre of your panties. You gasped, your head shooting up again to stare down at him as your hips bucked.</p><p>“M’wanna taste you,” he murmured, his voice deeper, rougher, as he slowly slide your panties down your legs, letting them drop from your feet and on to the floor.</p><p>Sliding his hands under your knees, Joel lifted your legs and hooked them over his shoulders. You couldn’t take your eyes off of him as he inhaled, the smirk returning to his lips. </p><p>“God, you’re dripping..” He mumbled  before lowering his head, he then gave a long, slow lick up your slit. Pressing your lips together, you muffled a loud groan as your head dropped back, your eyes falling shut. </p><p>"Fuck.." he murmured against your pussy as he shifted on his knees slightly, your legs lifting higher with the movement, and pressed his mouth further against your wetness. His tongue stroked at you, long, firm strokes that had your toes curling and your heels pushing into his back. </p><p>You didn’t know what to do with your hands so one was tangled into his hair, the other gripping the bed sheets. </p><p>“Shit, Joel..” His name fell away from a mumble into a loud, breathy moan as he suddenly pressed the flat of his tongue against your clit.  </p><p>“There you go..” he hummed as one arm slide over your stomach, holding you down, his watch cold against your tummy.</p><p>He circled and suckled at your aching clit, drawing moans and gasps from you as your hips bucked. Your hand tightened in his hair, gripping on as the other covered  your mouth. <br/><br/>“So good.. so fucking good-" you breathed, the sound muffled by your fingers. </p><p>He groaned in response and you felt him shift again. A moment later, he teased a finger against your pussy lips, gathering your wetness and spreading it. Drawing it down, he circled your hole before giving a few, gentle fucks with just the tip of his fingers.</p><p>A loud groan escaped you as he finally slipped two fingers inside you.</p><p>Moving his arm from over your stomach, he slide his hand up, briefly running it over your breasts, and traced a finger tip over your parted lips. Your tongue flicked out, brushing over it. He grunted and slipped his finger into your mouth. You immediately began to suck.</p><p>Groaning, Joel thrusted the two fingers back inside you, this time taking up a quick rhythm as he fucked you with them, simultaneously sucking firmly on your clit.</p><p>Your yell of pure delight was muffled as you involuntarily sunk your teeth into his finger.</p><p>It didn’t take long for pleasure to start coiling in your lower stomach, your body desperate for its release. Your moans became entangled with whimpers as it built rapidly within you, your hips rocking and rolling up against his mouth as your hand gripped tightly at his hair. <br/><br/>You faintly heard him mumble, "C'mon, baby, c'mon, come on my fingers..." and it tipped you over the edge.</p><p>Your hips rise as you threw your head back, biting down on his finger harder as pleasure rolled throughout your body, a long, muffled moan sounding from your throat. Joel groaned as you tightened on his fingers and, unwillingly to withdraw from you just yet, he prolonged your pleasure with slightly slower, gentler thrusts. <br/><br/>In fact, it was only when you tapped your fingertips against the top of his head, slightly weakly, that he pulled back, his fingers slipping out of your pussy and your mouth.</p><p>Licking your lips, your breathing was slightly erratic as you opened your eyes and gazed down at him. He was licking his own lips and his fingers, and his beard shined with your release.</p><p>Joel looked up at you. „C‘mere.“ You whispered and smiled at him.</p><p>Rising off of his knees, he moved onto the bed and settled on his side next to you, gazing down at the state he left you in, his eyes travelling down your body, then back up to met yours. </p><p>„You’re so gorgeous,“ he murmured, leaning down to cup your cheek and claimed your lips in a slow, open-mouthed kiss.</p><p>You moaned, sliding your hand up his biceps and to the back of his neck, your tongue gladly meeting and caressing against his.</p><p>Joel pulled away a few moments later and moved his lips over your chin, down your jaw and down your neck, his hand gliding from your cheek to your breasts.</p><p>Dropping your hand from his neck, you grazed your teeth over your lip as you watched him. </p><p>His fingertips slide up between your breasts then around them, caressing the sensitive undersides. Your back arched slightly as your breathing hitched again, pushing your breasts closer towards his touch.</p><p>Flicking his gaze up to met yours, he then lowered his head and closed his mouth over the nipple furthest from him, beginning to languidly kiss and sucked at it. </p><p>Your eyes slide shut as his fingers gently, achingly gently, rolled and tugged at the other nipple. He didn’t change his pace and the pleasure that tingled through you was delicious, bringing forth a smile on your lips as your head tipped back.</p><p>You hummed low in your throat as your hand slide over his belt and his clothed erection.</p><p>Joel exhaled a short, sharp breath, his kisses on your nipple faltering slightly before he sucked a little more firmly. He was so damn hard. Desire and need throbbed deep within you. How had he managed to do it? How had he managed to control himself for this long?  </p><p>„C’mon Joel,“ You gently squeezed his cock through his pants, caressing small, tight circles with your fingertips. </p><p>He grunted and started to rock his hips against your hand, his kisses growing slightly more sloppy. </p><p>You brushed your thumb over his clothed tip as you hummed.</p><p>„Goddamn,“ Joel released a long groan against your skin, bucking against your hand.  <br/><br/>Suddenly, he moved off of you, standing between your legs once more. Clenching his jaw, his flannel dropped to the floor, his hands fell to his belt, swiftly unbuckling it. After he pushed his pants and boxers down, you got to took in the sight of him. </p><p>Your hands subconsciously gripped at the bedsheets as your eyes roamed over his body, lingering on his cock, his tip wet and leaking.  </p><p>“Joel-“ you began, but your plea was cut off as he covered your body with his and kisses you hungrily.</p><p>Your arms wrapped around his neck, drawing him as close as you could to you and humming against his lips at finally feeling his skin against yours.</p><p>One of his forearms settled above your head to support himself while his other hand slide from your waist down to the back of your knee, pulling your leg over his hip and opening you to him.  </p><p>Dropping his hand from you, he gripped his cock and guided his tip to your entrance. He didn’t tease either of you this time.</p><p>Joel pushed into you in one, slow thrust, filling you completely. You teared your lips from his, and a loud moan started to escape you as your eyes rolled back.</p><p>“Mmh fuck,” he grunted, pressing his face into the crook of your neck.</p><p>You responded with a muffled, low whine as you lifted your hips, pleading with him to move.</p><p>“I know, I know,” he mumbled, mouthing and nipping at your neck and throat, moving up to your ear. "Just don't wanna come inside you just yet."</p><p>You released another whine against his hand and tightened around his cock, starting to rock your hips, needing to feel him move within you.</p><p>Joel growled and gripped tightly at your hip, mumbling a string of broken curses into your ear. </p><p>Finally he began to move, thrusting his cock into your tight, slick heat in a strong, relentless rhythm. You tipped your head back with a barely suppressed moan, both legs wrapping around his waist now to grip on to him as your hands fisted the bed sheets tightly.</p><p>Arching your back, your hard nipples brushed against his chest each time he thrusted within you, fuelling the pleasurable sensations already spreading through you.  </p><p>“Fuck, yes..” you gasped, one of your hands flying up to grip his shoulder. He bit and licked at the crook of your neck, his own hand moving from above your head to tangle into your hair.</p><p>You inhaled ragged breaths and your nails sunk into his shoulder, his delicious words causing your hips to buck as you tighten around him again.</p><p>Hissing, Joel suddenly rolled you over, your knees settling either side of him. The change in position had you gasping for all the right reasons as he hit new spots inside you.</p><p>Gripping your hips, he helped you start to move as you braced your hands on his hairy chest, strains of hair were falling from your french braid over your shoulders as you look down at him through half-lidded eyes. </p><p>“Damn, look at you,” he growled, his fingertips pressing into your skin.</p><p>A breathless smile hinted at the corners of your mouth as you held his gaze, increasing the pace of your rocking hips.</p><p>“Fucking beautiful,” Sitting up, Joel slide an arm around your waist, anchoring you in his lap, and captured your lips in a searing kiss. Wrapping your arms around his neck, your tongue teased and glided against his, your moans swallowed by his mouth. His hand found your breast, tugging and rolling your nipple between his thumb and forefinger.  </p><p>You could feel your orgasm building within you, your stomach muscles starting to tighten as you broke the kiss, broken, breathless moans pouring from your lips unchecked.</p><p>You felt his hand cup your cheek and tilted your head into it, sinking your nails into his shoulders.  </p><p>“Look at me,”</p><p>Opening your eyes a moment or two after he spoke, you met his darkened gaze, a jolt of desire coursing through you. <br/><br/>“Make me come,” </p><p>Joel groaned at that, thrusting sharply up into you as his hand dropped to your thigh, the pad of his thumb stroking firmly back and forth across your clit.</p><p>“Yes!” you gasped, your eyelids fluttering as you tried desperately hard to keep them open.</p><p>“Yeah, c’mon, almost there-“ You could tell he was fighting off his own release, his voice tight and rough.</p><p>You whimpered as you nodded, absolutely not trusting yourself to speak.</p><p>Then, as he thrusted deeply up into you, he pressed down firmly on your clit and you broke.</p><p>Burying your face into the crook of his neck, the yell you released was just about muffled as you clenched tightly around him.</p><p>A string of growled moans, curses and your name tumble from Joel’s lips, his teeth clenched as he finally relinquished his control and came deep inside you.</p><p>His hips jerked as he gripped yours, holding you in place, drawing out both your highs as wave after wave of pleasure tumbled through you. </p><p>Weak whimpers slipped from you as your body softened, collapsing against him. Your cheek pressed against his shoulder as your hands released his shoulders, though your arms remained around him.</p><p>Breathing hard, he kept a tight hold on you. Neither of you moved, neither willing to let go of the other.  <br/><br/>After several moments, Joel started to press slow, gentle kisses to your collarbone, drawing a soft hum from you.  <br/><br/>“You good?” He asked breathless.</p><p>”Just perfect..” </p><p>He chuckled and pressed a couple of stronger kisses to your neck before pulling his head back to gaze at you, a lazy smile on his lips. "Yes, you are."</p><p>“Uh,” You huffed amused by his sudden statement. Grinning, Joel carefully slide an arm under you and lifted you slowly off his cock with a quiet grunt.  </p><p>You couldn’t stop a faint whine at the loss as you bit your lip and he chuckled lowly, kissing your jaw. <br/><br/>He then gently laid you both back on the bed. Joel draped the blanket over you both as you settled at his side, your head on his shoulder and your arm sliding over his waist. His arms wrapped around you after he adjusted the blanket and he kissed your hair as your eyes closed.</p><p>You both were quietly, just enjoying holding and feeling each other. His fingertips idly brushed over your skin. This was perfect. He was perfect. <em>If only it wouldn't still feel so wrong..</em></p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Smutty time again! And some Drama 🤭</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>You blinked a few times and sat up slowly looking around, you were still in Joel’s room but he was nowhere to be found. </p><p>It was early in the morning and still dark outside. You woke with a slight panic when you didn’t know what time it was, afraid Ellie would come home.</p><p>You pulled your clothes on from last night, wondering where Joel was.</p><p>The house was quiet and still, the soft patter of your bare feet on the wooden floors the only sound that could be heard. You walked downstairs and into the living room, looking for him.</p><p>You looked around and finally spotted Joel on the terrace, he was sitting in on of the chairs, drinking coffee, Ruby by his feet.</p><p>You watched him for a moment before you made your way over to the back door, gently pushing it open and garnering his attention. </p><p>“Hey,” You said softly.</p><p>He turned to look at you. </p><p>“Everything okay?” You asked concern and stepped closer to him.</p><p>Joel sighed, rubbing a hand over his face. </p><p>“It’s just,” he began and put the mug on the table next to him.</p><p>”This whole thing between us,” he spoke low and you watched him.</p><p>You bit your lip. “I know..” you whispered and let out a deep sigh. </p><p>“I should’ve never-“ “Don’t,” you said quietly and slowly sat down on his lap.</p><p>He grabbed your waist, looking at you.<br/><br/>“I’m serious, Y/N.” He murmured, leaning back against the chair, watching you intensely.</p><p>“You want me to leave?” You asked him, leaning closer to his face.</p><p>He hesitated for a moment but shook his head. Joel pulled you closer, gently stroking your lower back. </p><p>It was quiet for some time. He just watched you and you watched him.</p><p>You then slowly leaned against his shoulder, pulling your arms around his neck. Joel smirked when you snuggled in the crook of his neck, your lips ghosting the skin there.</p><p>He softly stroked the back of your head and pulled a couple strains of hair behind your ear. Kissing your forehead gently and stroking your thigh you two just sat there for a while.</p><p>But then Joel spoke quietly. “Y/N, I can’t stop I-“ “I don’t want you to stop.” You whispered and pulled back to look at him.</p><p>”I already told you that. Otherwise I wouldn’t be here.” You softly stroked the hair at the back of his neck.</p><p>Joel only hummed and looked at your face. You leaned closer and kissed him. His hand immediately went to your face, gently cupping your cheek. His other hand pressed you firmer against him. </p><p>“I should go now,” you breathed against his mouth after you slightly pulled away.</p><p>”Yeah,” He cleared his throat and you slowly stood up.</p><p>When you left Joel could only think about one thing. He was fucking weak. He just should stop this whole mess. How would it end anyway? Yeah, not good. <em>Definitely not good.</em></p><hr/><p>It went on like this. Whenever Ellie wasn’t around you went to Joel. You got bolder and more reckless. The two of you  just slept with one another but after some time you also talked a lot.</p><p>After sex or in the early morning in the kitchen with a cup of coffee. And it made everything worse. It wasn’t just sex. From the beginning it wasn’t just sex. But Joel didn’t want to admit it. He fell for you. With every conversation you to had and every mug of coffee you shared he fell more.</p><p>How could he not. You were perfect. You were smart, had a beautiful body. He loved your sarcasm and your dry humor. He loved your face when it light up if he again told you some crazy story or joked with you. <em>You just were an angel.</em></p><p>His angel who laid in his bed again. You just shared another passionate night in the sheets and Joel couldn’t resist when he woke up and saw your soft naked body beside him.</p><p>You woke up to soft touches on your side, so featherlight they tickled your skin. You smile sleepily, burying your face deeper into the pillow as you yawned. You heard him chuckling, a sound that always made your insides tingle. </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What are you doing?” You mumbled as his hand traveled further down, caressing the curve of your naked ass. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Waking you up of course,” Joel said so innocently you know there was a lot more to it. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Your skin was cast in a soft orange glow from the sun that was just rising on the horizon, shadows dancing on your skin where the light didn’t reach. Your face was the definition of serene, eyes closed, eyelashes casting light shadows on your cheeks.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Baby,” Joel murmured against your tailbone.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He chuckled at the small hmm sound you made.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">His mouth dipped lower on your ass, lips leaving a wet trail of kisses down the cheeks, hands resting underneath them. His thumbs hooked on the inside of your thighs, slowly spreading them until he had a view of your sex.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">His head dipped lower and his tongue darted out, lapping a few wide, sure strokes against your core.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Oh fuck, Joel.” you breathed, hips already squirming under his touch.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Feels good, uh?” he purred, thumbs drawing circles where your ass cheeks met the back of your thighs.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Hmm- yes.” you yawned, a shudder coursing down your spine when Joel nipped softly at your outer labia.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Gonna make you feel good, yeah?” he spoke low, spreading your thighs a little wider and pressing one last sucking kiss to your pussy.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Hmm-“ you only hummed, turning your head to the side when you felt him drape his body over yours, his hard cock slipping between your folds.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Joel balanced himself on one arm while the other worked at positioning his cock at your entrance. You both groaned softly when he sunk inside you, slowly, as always. When he was buried to the hilt, hips flush against yours, he pressed a sloppy kiss to your shoulder blade.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yes baby.” he murmured, hips starting to grind slowly against yours.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It continued like that for few minutes until Joel slowly got to his knees, bringing your hips with him. His pelvis crashed against your ass and he bent over you to fondle your breasts. You purred and pushed back into him, longing for more.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">His hand went to your throat and he sat up. He took you with him, your back against his muscled torso. His grip tightened as he fucked you hard and deep. His other hand found your pussy and his fingers twirled around your clit.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Your eyes rolled into the back of your head. “Oh fuuuck-“ </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah- you gonna come?” He growled in your ear. You nodded and his fingers slackened just a little. His breath was hot along your temple.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Oh my -“ You panted and closed your eyes as your orgasm broke through. "I'm cum--cumming." You turned your head to kiss him but just panted breathlessly in his open mouth, because you were too busy on coming on his fingers. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">You shook and he caressed you through your climax before dragging his wet fingers along your stomach. Joel’s bulging forearm was around your tummy to held you still. His other hand hooked around your shoulder and he forced you down harder onto his cock.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Goddamn it-“ he cursed though gritted teeth and brushed his lips over your hair. His hips twitched and he gave several long thrusts. Squeezing his eyes shut and biting down on the column of your throat, he came as you gripped hard on his forearm around your tummy. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Joel slowed and lowered your bodies together so that he was on top of you.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Holy shit.” You breathed hard and buried your face in the mattress. He kissed the back of your head and pulled out of you carefully.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">After several minutes he got up. “I’m going take a shower.” He mumbled and kissed your forehead before disappearing and leaving you in his bed. <br/></span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">You continued lying ok the bed, still too exhausted to get up. But somehow you managed to get up.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">You’d just slipped your panties and dress on when Joel emerged from the bathroom, a towel around his waist, his hair wet, droplets of water still glistening on his torso. Your breath caught in your throat just looking at him. It should be illegal for the man to walk around looking like that.</span>
</p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">“Wanna stay for coffee?” </span>he asked, rifling through the top drawer of his dresser while holding the towel in place, glancing at you out of the corner of his eye.</p><p class="p1">“Yeah but we must’ve hurry.” You said.</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He nodded and tossed the towel on the end of the bed and pulled on his boxer briefs and a shirt, then he grabbed your elbow, tugged you close, and kissed you, his beard tickling your cheek.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Joel,” you warned him and pulled away. “Alright, alright,” he chuckled and you both made your way downstairs into the kitchen.</span>
</p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">It wasn’t more than a few minutes before you felt strong arms wrapping around your waist and a bearded chin resting on your shoulder. You relaxed into Joel’s arms, your head falling back against his shoulder. </span> <span class="s2"> <em>Why did he always smelled so overwhelming good. So strongly masculine..irresistible and-</em> </span></p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">“Joel?” The moment the two of you heard Tommy you shoved Joel away from you. He did the same, quickly straightening his shirt, and hair and you moved to stand on the other side of the kitchen.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">“Tommy? How-“ “Back door was open I was-“ He stopped when he saw you. <br/></span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">“Hi Y/N..” He said slowly and frowned at you. “Hi Tommy.” You murmured. <em>Fuuuuck.</em></span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">Tommy looked between you and Joel for a second, frowning again.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">Joel’s eyes met yours for a moment and the harsh reality of what Tommy almost saw between the two of you came avalanching down. Joel looked panicked, and when he panicked you panicked. Your heart suddenly hammering in your chest, you had to get out of there. <br/></span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">“I’ll better go.” You said quickly and walked to the door. Joel rubbed the back of his neck and watched you. <br/></span>
</p><p class="p1"><span class="s2">Tommy mused, cocking an eyebrow at the two of you. </span><br/><br/>“Yes, uh you should-“ but you already were gone.</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">It was quite for a while until Tommy spoke up. “Seriously?” <br/></span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">Joel turned around, not looking at his brother. “Don’t tell me it’s what I think it is.” When Joel didn’t answer him he knew that it was just like he thought.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">”What are you even doing here.” Joel growled and poured him some coffee.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">”Since you didn’t answer your damn calls, you probably forgot that we’re meeting up with the new purveyor. Just want to check the papers again. But I see ..you’re busy with something else,“ </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">„Tommy,“ Joel spoke low, slowly turning around. <br/></span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">„It’s not-“ „What? You gonna tell me it’s  nothing? Keep telling yourself that bullshit.“ Tommy got louder, he was pissed.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">„Fuck Joel, how old is she?“ </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">Joel looked at him. Tommy held his gaze. „Have you lost your mind?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">Joel cleared his throat, turning around again. „You think I don’t know that? I know how this looks and I know it’s bad,“ „Bad uh?“ Tommy chuckled but not in an amused way. <br/></span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">“You fucking kidding me?” He whisper-yelled and walked closer to Joel.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">”You’re in some deep shit when this comes out!” Tommy hissed.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">”I know that!” Joel yelled and hit his fist on the counter.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">”Than stop it, goddamn!” “Don’t fucking tell me what to do!” <br/></span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">“What about Ellie do you-“ “don’t bring her into this.” Joel growled and pointed a finger at him. <br/></span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">Tommy just scoffed. “Joel, she’s already into it! You sleep with her best friend, for gods sake.” <br/></span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">Joel closed his eyes. Yeah, Tommy was right. It didn’t make any sense. It was too late. <em>But what now?</em> He was pathetic, weak and incredibly dumb to think this would actually work. <em>The truth was this would never work out at all..</em></span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Please prepare yourself for the next chapter it’s getting angsty! 😬</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Chapter 8</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Short chapter aaand I’m an evil person, sorry guys 😩</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p><em>Great</em>. Tommy saw you. He probably figured out what was going on between you and Joel. He wasn’t dumb. What now?</p><p>You lost your mind about it. What would be best for you now? It was a week until you would return back to San Francisco again. </p><p>After two days of thinking and crying you decided it would probably the best if you just left. This whole thing was doomed from the beginning. This whole thing was just sex anyway. Was it? For that it definitely hurt too much.</p><p>And why were you crying so hard when you decided to leave earlier? Joel was right. You should’ve stopped.</p><p>The end of this whole thing was that you fell in love with him. <br/>
<br/>
You told Ellie you had to fly earlier back because of your job and the apartment. It wasn’t a total lie. You really had to organize some things for the job. You also wanted to help Anna with her removal.</p><p>Ellie at the other end wanted to stay a couple days longer at home because of Dina. She still had to figure this out. You asked her if she needed help but she told you that she would be okay. </p><p>Your bags were packed and ready for the trip back to California. Soon things would be back to the way it was. You’ll be overwhelmed with the new job and trying to stay calm, you’ll be too busy to think about Joel.</p><p>“Are you sure you don’t want me to drive you?” Your dad asked. </p><p>You shook your head and flashed a soft smirk. “Dad, you know how much I hate goodbyes. Anyways, you’re going to be late.” You said, forcing a chuckle. </p><p>“How could we know that you want to leave a week earlier. It’s just like you wanted to run away from something.” Your dad said and looked at you with a frown.</p><p>You gulped hard.</p><p>“I hope you have a safe flight and please text me when your board the plane.” Your mom said and kissed your cheek.</p><p>“I will.” You mumbled and gave her a hug. “Please greet the crew from me.” </p><p>Your parents would have dinner with their colleagues. You didn’t want that they canceled it just to bring you to the airport. The dinner was planned a long time ago and you didn’t want to be the reason it wouldn’t take place in the end.</p><p>After your parents left the house you still had some time. You made sure you had everything packed and ran through your checklist again when there was knock on the door.</p><p>Did they forget something?</p><p>You opened the door and swallowed hard when you saw him standing there, slightly out of breath.</p><p>”Joel?” You whispered, looking him up and down.</p><p>The two of you stood there for just a moment, gazing at one another, until you forced yourself out of his trance and collected yourself. </p><p>“I uh-“ He mumbled, suddenly not finding his voice, because you had this power over him that made it impossible to even think straight. </p><p>You could feel his gaze on you and it was making it harder to concentrate. </p><p>“Come in.” You murmured when he didn’t say anything.</p><p>The longer he watched you, the more it drove him crazy. And he suddenly was ready to sacrifice everything just to have you. You couldn’t just leave now.</p><p>“What do you-“ “Ellie said you would leave today.” </p><p>You turned around then, almost colliding  with him. </p><p>“Yes. In a couple hours actually.” Letting out a sigh, you stepped back.</p><p>“So you just leaving now? You didn’t even-“ “talk about it?” You scoffed at him and Joel frowned.</p><p>“You were right. This all was a mistake we-“ “Don’t say it was a mistake. Because if it was, we wouldn’t have done it again.” </p><p>You were taken aback from his sudden response, and from the look of his body language, he seemed frustrated.</p><p>“Joel, what do you want?” You asked him and he scoffed now. </p><p>“Wanna talk about it at least? You just want to ignore the things that happened between us? Maybe you can, but I definitely can’t.” He spoke and rubbed a hand over his face.</p><p>“You think I don’t care?” You whispered and looked at him confused.</p><p>”It’s all I think about.” You said and tears were forming in your eyes.</p><p>“Why’re you asking now? Just before I want to leave?” You asked him.</p><p>A few moments passed as you stared at the man who refused to make eye contact with you and you could just feel the tears clawing at your eyes.</p><p>“It’s best for the both of us if I go and-” You swallowed and he finally looked at you.</p><p>“You just decided this on your own! I don’t even have a chance-“ “You want me to stay? Seriously? How would this even work? My flight goes in a couple of hours, you can’t be serious! I have a job and- uh-“ You whipped the tears from your cheeks.</p><p>”Y/N,” Joel raised a hand. “All I know is that I don’t want you to go now.” He whispered stepping closer to you. “Do you think I wanted all that?”</p><p>You fell silent, he was angry, you could see it written all over his face. But it was the sadness in his eyes that was crushing you, it felt like you had broken him and that exact look was what you were dreading and now that he wore it on his face, you never expected to feel this terrible about it. </p><p>Joel sighed deeply, and rubbed his face with his hands, raking his fingers through his hair.</p><p>“I never wanted this I-“ He stopped, looking at you. Joel got closer, cupping your cheeks in his hands. <em>Fuck, what was he doing? </em><br/>
<br/>
“I- I have fallen in love with you, okay?”He murmured barely audible then and you stopped breathing for a second. </p><p>You swallowed before whispering hoarsely, You love me?” </p><p>Joel scoffed looking at you as if wasn’t obvious. “Course, how could I not.” He spoke so quietly you barely heard him.</p><p>Joel didn’t know when it was the last time he told someone these words. But saying it to you, he meant it. He meant it with every fiber of his body. And again, it was ridiculous how you played him in that way. In what for a helpless and confused state you brought him without even knowing it.</p><p>Neither of you said anything for a minute, both just standing there and staring in each other’s eyes. You know how much willpower it costed him to tell you this, to open up. But still, it didn’t matter.</p><p>You grabbed his wrists, gently pulling them down and stepped back. Joel blinked a couple times, unsure of what to do next.</p><p>”And now? Where does this leave us? That we love each other? It doesn’t make any sense apart from that!” You cried and watched him.</p><p>Joel gulped, again running a hand through his hair. You were right. Why were you always right? <em>Damn it!</em></p><p>“Fuck, Y/N I don’t know I-“ suddenly there was a loud honking noise outside. The taxi was there to pick you up.</p><p>”I have to go.” You walked to your luggage and didn’t look at him.</p><p>“Wait,” Joel tried to grabbed your arm. He turned you around, pulling you closer to him. “Please don’t go now.” He murmured helplessly, his eyes studying your face. But what was he doing here? He could do nothing. Joel knew that. </p><p>”Joel, let it go. Please just let<em> me</em> go,” You whimpered and pulled his hand from your cheek when he softly tried to held you closer.</p><p>He sighed and let go of you, arms dropping to his sides. You made your way outside and hurried to the taxi.</p><p>“Fuck,“ Joel cursed and walked after you. In about a few seconds he wouldn’t be seeing you for a long time. <em>Would he ever see you again? </em></p><p>He watched how you loaded your luggage into the taxi. What was he even doing? It was hopeless. Joel knew he could do nothing. He just made everything worse by staying and watching you leave.</p><p>You turned to look at him and his face looked disturbed. His eyes were sad and his lip trembled slightly. You never saw him like this.</p><p>”Goodbye Joel.” You whispered and quickly stepped into the Taxi.</p><p>You didn’t turn around when the taxi began to drive away. It was until you were out of the suburbs that you broke down and sobbed, cried and felt your heart shader into million pieces.</p><p>It fucking hurt so much because you loved him more than you ever loved anyone before and instead I of staying with him you drove away from him.</p><p>And you should have known better, then to let your feelings got into the way. </p><p>
  <em>Because you knew it, you just knew it, you would never ever get over him.</em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Don’t hate me! 😰</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Chapter 9</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Guys you’re comments motivated me sooo much!! ❤️❤️ Hope you like the chapter. I’m busy with work again so it takes a little longer for me to update.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The first week hadn’t been easy.</p><p>You thought of him all the time even if you were busy with helping Anna and unpacking your own stuff. </p><p>Anna immediately noticed your depressed mood and asked what was wrong.</p><p>You told her that you just were sad that your time in Texas was already over but minutes later you broke down into sobs and told her everything.</p><p>“You know what you need?” Anna asked and hugged you when you sobbed against her chest. “A distraction.”</p><p>You pulled back, looking at her, whipping your tears away.</p><p>”You need a nice boy who can make you forget about him.” Anna told you and you swallowed before saying, “Anna, I don’t know, I mean-“ “No no no, listen. You’re not bathing in self pity right now.”</p><p>You only continued to stare at her.</p><p>”Do you remember Dan?” You nodded. He was a friend from Robin, Anna’s boyfriend. He was a couple times out with you when you visit bars with Anna Robin and some other folks. He was a nice guy.</p><p>”I know from Robin that he likes you.. sooo-“ “Anna no-“ “Why not? He is a nice guy, just try it at least.” She rubbed your shoulders and you sighed, biting your lip.</p><p>”Alright,” you mumbled and she immediately grabbed her phone. “I asked Robin if he can set up something.” </p><p>Anna was right. If you didn’t do something right now, you never would stop thinking about him ever. And maybe you could finally move on..</p><p>It was two days later when you met up with Dan. You were surprised to found him in the doorway that day so early because you had agreed on meeting not until seven. He looked flushed with a wide, handsome smile set upon his face. </p><p>“Hey,” he said in greeting tone. “I’m a little too early, soo-“ “It’s okay, come in.”</p><p>Yeah, Dan was a stranger, who asked you out. And you just know you only wanted one man, and he was living across from the country. His touch still imprinted upon your skin. His words still clawing at your heart deeply. In this moment, you knew you never could forget about Joel.</p><p></p><div>
  <p>You tucked a lock of stray hair behind your ear and took a step back toward your bedroom. You placed your hand upon your cheek. It was unbearably warm. “Let me just grab my bag.”</p>
  <p>“All set,” you announced as you walked back a couple seconds later. Dan turned to look at you, nervously shoving his hands into the depths of his pockets. He smiled again.</p>
  <p></p>
  <div>
    <p>“Do you like Italian food?” He asked after you both walked out of the apartment complex. His expression was beaming, simmering with a contagious energy. You were swept up into it immediately, lost in the charming attitude.</p>
    <p></p>
    <div>
      <p>You nodded enthusiastically, stomach growling unapologetically. Dan took you to a small cozy Italian. The kind you know had to be good. Family owned and operated.</p>
      <p>The restaurant was hidden in a tiny street near the coffee shop you always were. You didn’t were here before. It was a cozy place and you immediately felt welcomed.</p>
    </div>
    <div>
      <p>Dan ordered you both glasses of red wine  and started the conversation with how your days back at home were. You gulped at the topic but continued to tell him about your time.<br/><br/>“Have you decided on what you’d like?” The waiter asked suddenly. You and Dan looked up instantly, your eyes catching from opposite ends of the small, metal table. </p>
      <p></p>
      <div>
        <p>“The spaghetti bolognese,” you echoed one another. Laughing, you kicked him under the table. “Can’t you be original?” You teased.</p>
      </div>
      <div>
        <p>“I could say the same for you, copycat!” </p>
      </div>
      <div>
        <p>You let yourself became distracted by Dan’s company. You chased the thought of Joel from your mind. And as your food arrived, you laughed between mouthfuls of twin meals and sips of red wine. And when he spoke, you listen, leaning forward, enraptured by the simple sound of his voice. Dan was really easy to get along with, and even easier to fall for.</p>
        <p><em>I could love you</em>, you told yourself. <em>This makes sense, doesn’t it?</em> And as the evening went on, Joel faded into distance memory. Dan was everything you could want. Everything you should. But he wasn’t who you desired. His name wasn’t carved into your soul. <em>No. That right belonged to another.</em></p>
        <hr/>
        <p>It was shock when Ellie called and told you she wouldn’t be coming. That she wouldn’t even move to San Francisco. The last week she had put everything in to switch college, so she could study at the Austin university. They also had an art program but not as good as San Francisco. </p>
        <p>But you knew exactly why she did this. Because of Dina. She also studied there. She was registered for the child nursing  program. “That’s uh great, no no I’m not mad.” You told her and sighed heavy.</p>
        <p>They loved each other. You totally understand this. This long distance thing would kill their relationship. Ellie also told you that Joel acted kinda strange since you left but he was happy that she didn’t move that far away. Sure Ellie moved to the campus but she would only be an hour or two away. Not a whole flight like you.<br/><br/>You just tried to sounded surprised and pretended you didn’t know why he suddenly were like this. At least you didn’t have to worry about that no more..</p>
        <p>You enjoyed spending time with Dan, he took you out to dinner or for late night walks through the city or the park. He was sweet and smart, attentive and charming. There wasn’t a woman on the planet who wouldn’t fall in love with a guy like that.</p>
        <p>
          <em>Well, maybe just one…</em>
        </p>
        <p>You put down your phone with a sigh without answering Dan’s message when Anna sat down next to you for dinner in the apartment.</p>
        <p>“So, how are things progressing?” she asked with a little grin.</p>
        <p>“Good, things are good, Dan’s a great guy, I don’t know why I didn’t notice that before.”</p>
        <p>Anna poured you both a glass of wine while she gave you a suspicious look and waited for you to tell her more.</p>
        <p>“I just don’t want to rush it,” you added, hoping that would satisfy her curiosity.</p>
        <p>“So you haven’t fucked him yet?”</p>
        <p>You almost choked on a piece of salad, “Uh- we’ve kissed, that’s all.”</p>
        <p>“Why not?”</p>
        <p>“You are the nosiest bitch I know, do you know that?”</p>
        <p>“Quit avoiding the question, why hasn’t he stayed the night yet? It’s been three weeks you say he’s a great guy, I know he really likes you, so what’s the matter?”</p>
        <p>“It’s just…it’s…I…it’s…”</p>
        <p>‘It’s <em>him</em>, isn’t it?’</p>
        <p>Your heart sunk.</p>
        <p>‘I just…’ you sighed, annoyed at yourself for being unable to put your feelings into words.</p>
        <p>‘Dan just doesn’t…he doesn’t have the same effect like ..’ you said, finally admitting.</p>
        <p>“Maybe it’s the thing that he is much older but I uh - I mean he had this magnetic pull on me, with Dan it’s…different.”</p>
        <p>You sighed and Anna gave you a sympathetic smile, “It’s because you’re not in love with him.”</p>
        <p>“I thought it might happen over time but I’m beginning to question if it ever will.”</p>
        <p>“You’re not over him..” Her tone was serious now. She really felt sorry for you.</p>
        <p>“I thought I wanted Dan,” you said after a while and sighed.</p>
        <p>”I thought a guy like that could give me stability or something..I couldn’t see with Joel but..you’re right, I’m not over him. I don’t think I could ever.”</p>
        <p>She hugged you when you began to cry suddenly and she stroked the back of your head. “What the fuck did he do with you?” She mumbled sadly and continued hugging you.</p>
        <hr/>
        <p>Dark rain clouds gathered outside, a rumble of thunder rolled through and flashes of lightning illuminated the dark skyline. </p>
        <p>Joel sat on the couch and poured himself another finger of the dark liquor into a crystal glass. He didn’t hesitated as he downed it in two gulps, the alcohol searing his throat as he swallowed it. </p>
        <p>He stared down at the table before him, thinking. Ellie left a week ago and the house had never been so silent and empty as now. He missed her. </p>
        <p>He missed <em>you</em>.</p>
        <p>Joel should have known it was too good to be true, he should have seen this coming but he was blinded by love and lust and he hated himself for that. It hurt him more when he thought about you, and the feelings he had for you and how real it all felt. He felt a dull ache in his chest as he thought about the days he had spent with you and how perfect it had all been.</p>
        <p>His phone buzzed and he reached behind him to pull it out from his jeans. „What?“ he grunted and slipped back against the couch.</p>
        <p>“Jezz, are you drinking again?“ Tommy said and Joel scoffed. </p>
        <p>„Talk,“ Joel only said and closed his eyes for a second.</p>
        <p>”I think we should look at the samples next week. We have a better overview on site. It’s expensive stuff and I just want to look at it,” </p>
        <p>“Yeah, you’re right,” </p>
        <p>They got another big contract where they need really good working materials and they already found a reliable purveyor who was located at the west coast. Joel didn’t know if this was destiny or some shit like this but they had their homestead in San Francisco.</p>
        <p>“I’m going next week.” Joel said finally.</p>
        <p>“Alone.” He added and he heard Tommy sighing. “Joel-“ “I’m going <em>alone</em>.” He said firmer and gulped the rest of his drink down.</p>
        <p>”Make sure the shop runs.” And before Tommy could argue with him again he hung up.</p>
        <p>Joel then shoved his phone into his pocket again, before he stood up and slightly stumbled up the stairs, Ruby behind him.</p>
        <p>He slowly pulled out of his jeans and shirt and fell face first on the bed. Closing his eyes all he could see was your face again, just like all the other nights. <em>Fuck, he missed you so much. </em></p>
        <hr/>
        <p>As you looked at your watch realizing you only had twenty minutes to get to work, you quickly made your way out of your local coffee shop and didn’t see the person in front of you and smashed right into him.<br/><br/>“O my God I am so sorry. Sir are you alright? I did not see you and I was ju-” You were cut off but a pair of brown-green eyes staring back at you.<br/><br/>“Y/N?” Joel panted breathlessly and stared at you. Why in gods name did he chose exactly this coffee shop to get his morning coffee. This couldn’t be real. <em>You</em> couldn’t be real.</p>
        <p>You didn’t say anything for a moment. Only thinking of if this was real or a dream.</p>
        <p>He spilled coffee on you. No correction, you spilled your own coffee on you.</p>
        <p>“What’re doing here?” </p>
        <p>Joel looked at you and pulled out a handkerchief. “C’mon.” He nodded towards the empty seats near the window in the shop.</p>
        <p>You sat down and began to clean yourself with the handkerchief. He watched you, clearing his throat and told you quietly why he was in San Francisco and where he was staying at the moment. You listened to him with barely looking at him. </p>
        <p>You then finally looked up at him, the look in your eyes gave him the answer he didn’t want to hear. It was already there, written in your face. Regret, remorse, and guilt.</p>
        <p>Joel closed his eyes for a moment before he looked away from you out towards the streets. A lump formed in his throat.</p>
        <p>“Don’t you think it’s strange, that I run into you, in this exact coffee shop.” He murmured, still looking out the window.</p>
        <p>“What is that supposed to mean?” Your voice breaking slightly when you turned to look at him.</p>
        <p>“I just- I mean it’s-“ Joel ran a hand through his hair tugging it slightly. An anxious tick you knew he had.</p>
        <p>Joel then turned to look at you. “I never, not even a second stopped thinking about you.” He told you hoarsely and held your gaze. </p>
        <p>“Me too.” You whispered and reached over the table to grab his hand. He sucked in a breath of air when your hand touched his. He slowly intertwined his fingers with yours, softly stroking the back of your hand.</p>
        <p>“Y/N I-“ “Don’t let us talk about this here.” He sighed but nodded then. You told him that he could come later to you and then you could talk about everything. </p>
        <p>You two parted with mixed feelings. But you knew, just how much you tried to stay away from this man he always found a way to you. It didn’t make any sense.</p>
        <p>Your ways crossed again. You didn’t believe in fate or some shit like this but what you knew was that you loved him deeply with all your heart. And this love was the purest thing you ever felt. You and him. It couldn’t be any different now, you wouldn’t be ready to let him go again. </p>
        <hr/>
        <p>
          <em>Only one problem. </em>
        </p>
        <p>Dan had a bright smile on his face, “Hey,”</p>
        <p>“Hi,” you smiled a little nervously.</p>
        <p>There was more than one reason you were nervous now. You had to break it off with Dan, the sooner the better.</p>
        <p>You let out a deep sigh and rubbed your temples. Everything about this was starting to feel like a really bad idea, you should have known Dan would stop by like he did most nights. <br/><br/>But you really didn’t need him right now. So you gently put a hand on his chest just before letting him in.</p>
        <p>He stepped closer, grabbing your waist and pulled you in for a kiss.</p>
        <p>You always liked to kiss him so you didn’t push him away, all you did was kiss him back.</p>
        <p>You heard footsteps in the stairwell and turned your head away from Dan.</p>
        <p>When he finally pulled away you saw Joel’s back as he stormed down the stairs.</p>
        <p>“I’m sorry,” you looked at Dan and gave him an apologetic smile,’ I’ll, I need to-“</p>
        <p>You rushed down the stairs.</p>
        <p>You had ruined everything, you’d been using Dan, lying to yourself and now you also managed to hurt Joel which was the absolute last thing you wanted.</p>
        <p>“Joel, wait!” You shouted as he was about to leave the building.</p>
        <p>“What for? So you can kiss your boyfriend in front of me again?” he sounded pissed off and you stopped suddenly, shocked by the anger and roughness in his tone.</p>
        <p>“I’m sorry,” you spoke quietly.</p>
        <p>He turned around to face you.</p>
        <p>“Is that why you wanted to see me? To tell me you have moved on after all? You could have told me earlier. Not necessary to show me, Y/N. I get it!”</p>
        <p>“No that’s not I-“ you shook your head.</p>
        <p>“Why did you said .. I mean-“ his voice was less angry. He closed his eyes for a few seconds, rubbing a hand over his face.</p>
        <p>“It’s not what you think.” you took a step closer to him, “I’m really sorry, for everything, I really wanted to see you and talk, I didn’t think..”</p>
        <p>“It doesn’t matter anymore.” He murmured.<br/><br/>The hurt look on his face wrecked you  and you immediately regretted fucking everything. He was so much more to you  then just Ellie’s dad or your summer crush. He was Joel. And you loved him as the person he was. You know he was a selfish man so the next thing surprised you both.</p>
        <p>“He seems like a good guy,” the tone in his voice had suddenly changed into something soft and affectionate, “is he at least treating you alright?”</p>
        <p>You looked up to meet his eyes again.</p>
        <p>“He is,” you muttered, “But I don’t, we’re not-“</p>
        <p>“You should go back to him, it sounds like he can make you happy,” Joel didn’t believed his own words, what was he saying?</p>
        <p>His voice turned into a whisper, ”you deserve to be happy.”</p>
        <p>“Joel,” you shook your head and fought the urge to grab his shirt to keep him close to you but he turned around.</p>
        <p>He disappeared onto the streets, leaving you baffled and with tears stinging your eyes. <em>And again you were crying.</em></p>
      </div>
    </div>
  </div>
</div>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I know I’m really torturing you guys 😰<br/>Did you like it though?</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Chapter 10</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I just got a new job!! I’m soooo happy right now 🎉 anyways here’s the chapter 🥰</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Y/N, what’s wrong?” Dan asked as he saw you walked up the stairs again, crying. </p><p>“I think we- uh we shouldn’t see each other again.” You said after you whipped your tears away. </p><p>Dan frowned, “Why, I mean - who was that even?” He asked and pointed to the stairs.</p><p>You swallowed.</p><p>“I like you Dan. But-“ “It doesn’t work.” He ended the sentence for you. You looked at him kinda surprised.</p><p>”I noticed that you were a little off sometimes even if you didn’t notice yourself..” He told you and scratched the back of his neck.</p><p>”It’s okay, I mean we just know each other for a couple weeks..” You gulped and nodded at him.</p><p>”So your not mad?” You asked.</p><p>He shook his head. “I can tell that you aren’t over something or uh - someone. I just feel it.” He forced a smile and you felt kinda sorry for him. He really was a nice guy. </p><p>You were silent for a while. <em>At least you tried it with him..</em></p><p>“I’ll uh- I better go then.” He said awkwardly and walked towards the stairs. </p><p>“Yeah.” You mumbled and watched how he left. Taking a deep breath you closed your eyes for a second, thinking about what to do next.</p><p>As you walked back in the apartment you immediately grabbed your jacket and purse and put your sneakers on. This time you wouldn’t do nothing. </p><p>You quickly tipped Joel’s hotel address in your phone’s google maps and left the apartment, hoping you could finally fix things.</p><hr/><p>Your hands were shaking when you knocked on his door.</p><p>Joel opened and it took you a few seconds to find your words again.</p><p>“Joel I-“ your voice was shaking but you were determined to get everything out this time, “I don’t want to end things because we’re living in different states or because of Ellie, all I know is that I uh- I love you and -and-“</p><p>You took a deep breath before you continued, “I can’t stop thinking about you even if I want to.”</p><p>Joel swallowed hard, watching you.</p><p>“And I thought a guy like Dan would be better for me, I thought he’d help me get over you but…it didn’t work,” you looked up to meet his eyes, “I broke up with him.”</p><p>A weight fell off your shoulders when the words were spoken but that feeling of relief was quickly followed by fear. What if he didn’t want you now? What if he had changed his mind?<br/><br/>Joel was just standing there without saying a word and you couldn’t read his expression.</p><p>“I just needed you to know that,” you whispered and you were ready to turn on your heels and save yourself any further embarrassment when he grabbed your hand.</p><p>“Y/N,” his voice was deep and serious and his grip on your hand firm.</p><p>You looked at him, stepping closer.<br/><br/>“I didn’t want to push you into something like that at all,” he murmured, “but I…I think I fell in love with you the moment we kissed.” </p><p>Your heart was racing in your chest.</p><p>“I also thought it would pass but..”</p><p>His thumb was rubbing little circles on your hand and slowly pulling you closer to him. You followed willingly until his forehead was touching yours.</p><p>Without saying another word he leaned in and put his lips on yours. The kiss wasn’t soft or hesitant, it was needy and desperate and you felt your knees grow weak.</p><p>He wrapped an arm around your waist to hold you close while he moaned your name into the kiss. The roughness of his beard, the softness of his lips and the wet warmth of his tongue was enough to drive you crazy and you melted against him.</p><p>“I missed you,” his breath was hot against your lips, “I missed you so fucking much.”</p><p>Your fingers tangled into his hair as you pulled him close, whispering, “Me too.”</p><p>You both walked into the living room of the hotel room before Joel pulled you on his lap on the couch and started tearing at your clothes. He never stopped kissing you in the process, deep slow kisses interrupted only by heavy breaths and soft moans from the both of you.</p><p>Hands roaming everywhere, pulling at pieces of clothing until you were both naked, finally. His fingers touching every part of you he could reach, yours doing the same to him.</p><p>He couldn’t keep the happy smile off his face when you carefully straddled his lap and kissed his lips again, softly this time. The frantic touching stopped for a moment and you both just looked into each other’s eyes, overwhelmed and amazed by what just happened.</p><p>“What are you thinking?” he murmured softly.</p><p>You smiled a little shyly and shook your head while you broke eye contact.</p><p>He cupped your face in his hands, forcing you to look back at him, “Tell me, angel.”</p><p>You blushed at the pet name, biting your lip. You had both been in the same room without clothes on many times before but you had never felt this naked. His piercing eyes stared deep into yours, waiting for your answer. </p><p>“It’s just-“ you hesitated, “I feel amazing when I’m with you, like nothing else in the world matters, no other man has ever been able to make me feel that way, ever.” You whispered.</p><p>The grin on his face got bigger. </p><p>You playfully hit his shoulder.</p><p>“Ouch,” he chuckled a little.</p><p>“I mean it!” You said grinning and bit your lip again before continuing.</p><p>“-when I’m with you I feel like everything is as it should be, and I’m exactly where I need to be, you know like everything just falls into place. I never knew it could feel like that until I met you. You know I mean-“ <br/><br/>“I feel the same way,” he whispered and he wrapped an arm around your waist to hold you close to him, “I just feel exactly the same way, sweetheart.”</p><p>He leaned in to kiss your lips.</p><p>Leaning back he cleared his throat. Open up about you was suddenly so easy. Joel gave you a sweet smile before he spoke, “I want you to be the only one, Y/N. <em>You’re</em> the only one.” </p><p>You broke eye contact again, you hadn’t specifically except this from him but for some reason he knew exactly what it was you needed to hear. He noticed the sudden change in your expression. Joel knew exactly why.</p><p>“You’re worry about us, aren’t you?” he murmured, watching your face.</p><p>You gave him a weak smile, nodding.</p><p>“Yeah, I’m worried about that,” you admitted.</p><p>He sighed.</p><p>“I’m sorry,” you shook your head, a little annoyed at yourself, ”I just killed the mood there, didn’t I? We can talk about that later-“</p><p>Joel wrapped both his arms around you and pulled you into a tight hug, his strong warm naked body giving you the security you needed.</p><p>“I’ll make sure that it works,” he whispered, “don’t now how yet but I’ll figure something out,”</p><p>He then started putting soft kisses on your neck.</p><p>You hugged him back and he brought his lips right next to your ear.</p><p>He lifted your body slowly to lower you down onto the couch, placing himself on top of you, kissing your neck and shoulders and making his way down to your breasts.</p><p>Your eyes closed in a heavy sigh. You’d missed that mouth on your skin and it was slowly taking away every last bit of doubt in your mind. He was worshipping you as if you were the most delicious thing he ever tasted.</p><p>He reached your stomach and his hands slowly spread your legs. Your hands found their way into his hair, softly caressing his scalp. <br/><br/>There was no need to guide him, his mouth quickly found the spot where you needed him most.</p><p>“Joel,” you moaned, squirming underneath him at the touch of his tongue on your clit.</p><p>All thoughts left your head, pushed aside by his warm wet mouth and the way he was taking his time to bring you towards that edge.</p><p>You wanted to fall over so badly but you also wanted him there with you when it happened, as close as he could possibly get, buried deep inside your warmth.</p><p>“Joel, please,” you begged, “I need you.”</p><p>He looked up at you with a happy little grin while he gave you one last slow lick. It was a sight you’d never get sick of, him between your legs. </p><p>But he moved up and gave you what you asked for.</p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">You held his gaze and you kissed him sweetly before you felt the tip of his cock pressed softly into your swollen clit. You moaned and whispered against his lips,<br/></span>“I love you.”</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He whispered your name in answer as he fell over you. One hand gripped tight to the backing of the couch for stability. “I love you too,” he replied finally. As if an exhale. More a process of being than they were words. “I love you,” he repeated until his cock slide into you fully.<br/></span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">His hips swirled into yours, grinding closer and closer with each movement. The motion was calculated, tentative, allowing you time to adjust the sensation of his sex inside of your tight warmth. The way you wrapped so snugly around him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">You clung to his back but when he began to move with more vigor, your nails dug into his exposed flesh. His muscles tensed beneath your grasp. They pulsed and rippled with each thrust. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Joel captured your mouth in a heated kiss. You moaned and gasped into his mouth. He moved faster, pumping into you with a renewed rhythm. Your juices sloshed around him. Sweat beaded down his chest. You gathered the sheen of it against your palms as your hands slide up over his pecks and landed around his neck. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yes, just like that,” you moaned in encouragement. You arched your hips to meet him. </span>
</p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">He leaned down</span> and kissed your neck sweetly, clinging to you as if you were both falling into oblivion. </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">You moaned loudly as the beginnings of release trembled through you. “Joel, I’m going to...”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Cum baby, do it,” Joel commanded. He cupped your cheek, holding your gaze. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">His hand slide between your bodies and found your clit with the round tips of his fingers. He moved in circles, pressing into you. You bit back another moan as your pleasure built, boiling into a deep burn that consumed all remaining reason. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Cum with me,” you barely managed before you were shouting your own release with the thrust of your hips towards heaven. He answered with his own inward, meeting you.<br/></span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">You could feel the throbbing of his sex matching the contractions of your own. He muffled a groan into your shoulder, biting down as he emptied himself into you, as you pulsed around him.<br/></span>
</p><p class="p1">You laid still for a moment, your arms wrapped tight around each other. You listened to your mutual breathing as you both came down from the high of release.</p><p class="p1">You stroked his back and kissed his cheek while he tended to the bite he had left upon your shoulder. Finally, he shifted away and pulled free from your sex. </p><p class="p1">You closed your eyes, feeling how you slowly drowned into a slumber. Strong arms lifted you from the couch and Joel was carrying you into the bedroom, gently putting you down on the soft sheets.</p><p class="p1">He laid down next to you, breathing heavily you felt his gaze on you.  </p><p class="p1">Turning your head, you saw him staring at you. His soft eyes narrowed as a smile played at his lips. Rolling onto his side, he draped his arm over your torso, planting a kiss to your temple. Your own smile appeared on your lips as you hummed in appreciation, placing your hand over his bicep. </p><p class="p1">With the soothing caress of his hands against your skin, he reassured once again, saying, “We’ll figure something out, I promise.” And this was enough to lull you both into dreamless slumber. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I don’t know how many chapters I will write guys.. but do you have any nice AU ideas so I can write a new story? 🤔</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Chapter 11</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>One more chapter guys and then it’s done! Thank you all so much for reading this story, it was a lot of fun writing this 🥰</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Ellie was pissed when she found out. You told her everything on the phone a couple days later. She was disappointed and also shocked. First she thought you joked with her but as you continued she was speechless and couldn’t say anything for a while.</p><p>Yeah, but what did you excepted? Of course she wouldn’t take it well. It was such a mess. You and Joel betrayed her in that way. And the age difference..</p><p>Ellie told you that she had to think about all this and that she couldn’t speak with you right now. For this she was definitely too shocked and need time to process all this.</p><p>You tried to explain her how much you tried to let things go with Joel but it didn’t change anything about your feelings for him and you begged her to understand it. </p><p>It wasn’t easy for you that she pushed you away at first. You had to wait. Waiting for her to accept how things were now. You just hoped that it wouldn't cost you your friendship with her.</p><p>To tell your parents was even harder. It was going to be a nightmare. You never had been so afraid in your live. Because you not only chose Joel, with choosing him, you would choosing to live in Texas again, ending your current job.</p><p>Yeah, this job was everything you ever wanted in live. Wouldn't that be a horrendous mistake? A madness to say the least? Or was madness leaving Joel behind? What of those options was worse? Your future was depending on both of them.</p><p>Did you wanted to be loved and cared for or did you want this job you always dreamed about? Sure you could try and find a new art design company in Dallas, but they weren’t as good as in San Francisco. You didn’t studied art at the west cost for nothing. </p><p>But you had made your decision as you knocked on Joel’s hotel door that day. You would definitely return back home.</p><p>Suddenly, you got the meaning of all the rushed, weird decisions portrayed in the movies you would never personally do. <em>Now, you were doing one.</em></p><p>When you called your mother and told her that you wouldn’t continue the job and would instead move back home, she was shocked and disappointed. She couldn’t understand it but you told her you would tell her everything when you were back again.</p><p>You may disappointed your family and Ellie when you made your decision to move back and be with Joel, that was right. But you made one lonely grumpy old man happy. <em>And you chose love..</em></p><p>Anyways, you were a grown woman who could make her own decisions. In the end they just had to accept it. Even if it would be hard.</p><p>It was crazy, borderline insane, but after a few days you ended your rental contract and said your goodbye to Anna. She was happy for you that you made a final decision. She told you that you didn’t need to be afraid. Love was always   like this. If you didn’t risk something you will never find happiness. You promised to keep in touch with one another and that you would visit her and Robin after everything settled down a bit.</p><p>As you sat in the airplane it was a strange feeling but you felt good. Sure you had your doubts and were still afraid to tell your parents but you couldn’t wait to see Joel again, because you hadn’t told him yet you ended your job and would move back home.</p><p>Your heart was pounding rapidly when you sat in the car with your dad who picked you up from the airport. You didn’t speak much, you just were too overwhelmed with everything. </p><p>So when you reached your house you quickly brought your stuff into your old room and grabbed your car keys afterwards to drive to Joel.</p><p>“I’ll tell you later. I just - I need to take care of something, I’ll be back!” You told your parents in a rush and left them dumbfounded at the door.</p>
<hr/><p>When Joel heard a car on his driveway, he was confused and curious. Who could that be? Ellie only visited him at the weekend’s, if she still would be coming. After he told her everything the mood wasn’t good between them. </p><p>The conversation they had was hard and hurtful. Ellie was furious at him. They hadn’t argued like this ever. It was real bad. Joel tried to save himself by repeatedly telling her that he cherished really deep feelings for you, that he had fallen in love with you. </p><p>
  <em>“Why her? I don’t understand this.” Ellie asked him with tears in her eyes.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>”I don’t want you to understand, I can’t understand it myself, okay? I just - I only beg you to accept it.” Joel told her also with tears in his eyes.</em>
</p><p><em>“I need to process all this, I can’t - I mean I can’t accept this right now.” </em><br/>
<br/>
Since this happened she didn’t talk with him until now. It was torture for Joel. But he knew that it wouldn’t be easy.</p><p>He looked out of the window and say how you left your car, walking towards the house. <em>What were you doing here?</em></p><p>Joel opened the door and walked to you at a fast pace, having horror in his face as you started to cry. He smoothed your face, your shoulders, searched your whole body just to see if you were hurt or making out what was wrong with you. </p><p>“What’re you doing here? What happened?" He asked worriedly and hugged you, bringing you so close that you couldn't breathe. You hugged him back, suddenly crying.</p><p>"Are you goin' to talk to me or not? What happened, talk to me angel-“ He dragged you gently into the house, closing the door behind him.</p><p>At that moment, you looked him in the face, palming it while bringing his forehead to yours. You shook your head and gulped frantically, crying like a little girl.</p><p>“I left, I quitt my job.” You started, still holding his face close to yours.</p><p>“What?” He whispered confused.</p><p>”I want to be with you, <em>here</em>. I - I’ll find another job.” You swallowed, staring at him.</p><p>From the deepest end of his selfish persona, he needed to say that he needed you here, close enough on the reach of an arm.</p><p>“But this job, it was all you ever wanted I mean-“ “You’re everything I ever wanted.” You murmured and watched him.</p><p>He whispered your name, closing his eyes he before looking in your teary ones.</p><p>Slowly tipping your chin up he kissed you softly, your tears wet against his cheeks.</p><p>”You told your parents yet?” He said after  pulling away. You shook your head.</p><p>”Only that I quitted my job.” </p><p>Joel sighed and nodded then. </p><p>“I just need to see you first.” You murmured and pressed your head against his firm chest, breathing him in. He kissed the top of your head and softly rubbed your back up and down.</p><p>”I’ll tell them tomorrow.” You whispered against his shirt, he only hummed at that.</p><p>”You can stay the night.” He murmured against your hair and you pulled away to look at him. He leaned down, kissing you again. You hummed softly as you started to weaken, leaning more against him.</p><p>You smiled when you leaned back, settling your hands either side of his neck, your fingertips tracing small circles at the nape of his neck.</p><p>One of his hands slide to your hip, then down your thigh.</p><p>“Joel,” you breathed, a slight edge of warning to your tone though you couldn’t  take your eyes off of his as his hand slipped under your skirt.</p><p>“Hmm,” he only hummed, his fingertips sliding up the inside of your naked thigh.</p><p>Your lips parted as his fingers gently pressed into your skin and you widen your stance just an inch or so, giving him better access. </p><p>His fingertips glided over your covered slit, watching your face the whole time.</p><p>Swallowing hard, your eyelids fluttered a few times as you couldn’t look away from him.</p><p>Grazing your teeth over your lower lip you let out a moan when a single finger circled over your clit.</p><p>“Oh fuck,” you breathed, your resolve starting to crumble as your body began to seek and need his touch, your hips pushing towards him ever so slightly.</p><p>His fingers moved up and teased along the waistband of your panties before slipping in. Your breathing hitched as you gripped at his shoulders, your chin lifting a little.</p><p>His fingers teased along your pussy lips, making you hiss in a breath through your teeth. </p><p>Then, he slide two fingers inside you, all the way to the knuckle.</p><p>Your mouth dropped open, a moan escaping you before you could stop it. "Oh, Joel..”</p><p>“I’ve got you baby, I’ve got you,” He began to pump his fingers, slowly and deeply, every time all the way to the knuckle. <br/>
<br/>
Your hands slide from his shoulders to the back of his neck, your fingers curling into his hair. Gripping at his hair, a low moan escaped you before you draw in a staggered breath.</p><p>Joel grunted quietly and you felt him shift. Opening your eyes, you found him gazing at you intently.</p><p>He chuckled when you released a breathy moan and you started to rock your hips, earning a slightly firmer pressure on your clit from his thumb.</p><p>"There we go, yeah, baby... That's it..." He groaned and suddenly pulled his fingers from you. <em>He needed you. Everything of you.</em></p><p>You wanted to protest at the sudden lose but then he grabbed your thighs and pulled them around his waist, you realized what he wanted. When he pulled you off the the ground, you wrapped your arms around his neck held on as he carried you up into his bedroom.</p><p>Joel literally tossed you onto his bed.</p><p>Using your elbows you pulled yourself up to the headboard.</p><p>He stripped off his shirt and climbed onto the foot of the bed after you.</p><p>Joel’s eyes were dark, and he smirked as he grabbed your ankles and began pulling you to him, back to the end of the bed.</p><p>His hands peeled your skirt down your legs and taking your panties, socks, and shoes with them.</p><p>He pulled you further down the bed until your ass reached the edge of it. Joel then dropped onto his knees, making a show of pulling one of your legs up to chain kisses along the tender inside before setting it on his shoulder.</p><p>Your breath huffed out as he pressed hot little kisses along the inside of one thigh and then the other. </p><p>His lips grazed your outer pussy lips.</p><p>He pulled a moan from you when he slid a finger into your weeping folds, circling your clit in the slowest tease.</p><p>Joel pressed his mouth into your pussy, his tongue a devilish swirl that had your fingers curling in sheets.</p><p>Your heart was racing, anticipation coursing through your veins as his greedy gaze roamed over your body. His hands slid over your thighs and held them as he dove into you.</p><p>He drove you wild with his lips and tongue, teasing your swollen outer petals before working his way in. When his tongue curled around your clit, flicking and twisting against it, you thrashed on his bed with just the tight grip of his hands on your thighs holding you in place.</p><p>When it traced your entrance, teasing you breathless as he worked in first one finger, then two inside you, your back arched and your core tightened.</p><p>Joel brought you off in seconds, doubling down as soon as the wave of pleasure hit you, drawing it out until you were drowning. Until your hands were clutched in his hair, and your desperate cries filled his room.</p><p>You laid panting on his bed, admiring the shine of your excitement on his lips, the way his hair was sticking up in all directions. He looked wild as he climbed up the bed over you.</p><p>Joel then hauled you up the bed before stretching out in its center. His hands worked the front of his jeans, and he started pushing them down along with his boxers.</p><p>His cock was hard and throbbing against his abdomen, He took himself in hand, eyeing you expectantly.</p><p>“Fuck,” he whispered as he held himself up.</p><p>You quickly pulled out of your top and unhooked your bra. And it was worth it the way his gaze moved over your breasts. You then got to your knees, pushing him gently down on the bed.</p><p>When you straddled him, he started sliding himself through your folds, pressing against your opening.</p><p>“You’re impatient,” you teased him, still gasping for air.</p><p>His hands gripped your hips, pulling you down over his cock. “It’s been too long,” he shot back, thrusting up and trying to make you take him faster. </p><p>When he was seated in you as deeply as he could go, Joel started rotating his hips, pushing up into you while his hands held onto your hips. It felt so good with him stretching you open, needing you to the point where he couldn’t wait.</p><p>Your body tightened around him in craving, moving with his. You lowered yourself over him, kissing his mouth gently at first. But Joel wasn’t in the mood for gentle. He kissed you like he wanted to devour you, one hand sliding into your hair as the other remained to anchor your body.</p><p>He finally let you break the kiss as you rode him, your hips circling as he filled you over and over. You couldn’t have said if you rode him more than he pushed up into you.</p><p>Your bodies worked together in harmony with his cock seeking out all the spaces inside that made you tremble. Your walls caressed him, weeping around him. Your hands were in his hair, your chests close, your nipples grazing his hard chest.</p><p>“Come with me,” he whispered against your lips as you felt his thrusts speed up, his body tighten beneath you. “I want you to come with me.”</p><p>His fingers slid between you and started teasing your clit as his thrusts came faster, harder. Your body clenched around him when release caught you, taking your breath away as it rocked you. Your world faded at the edges, spun for you as you hung onto him.</p><p>Joel rolled you under him, pounding into you now as he came with a shout. He unloaded into you, caging you under him until he rode out his own release.</p><p>Then it was quiet. The only sound in the room was the harsh rasp of your breathing and his. Your heart was slowing as he rolled to your side, pulling you against him until you could hear his heart with your ear pressed to his chest.</p><p>Joel slid his fingers over your back and shoulder as he held you, the soft touch combining with the sound of his heart to make you drowsy. You had such a hard time sleeping without him now.</p><p>As you always did, you let him hold you. You slept there on this chest, trusting him with your live. There was still a myriad of questions in your head, what would you tell your parents, but you managed to push this conversation to the back of your brain as sleep crepted in.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>About the next AU story.. I thought about something with Joel being in the army/military and has Sarah and Ellie as kids with the Reader (or Reader is pregnant while he’s overseas?) He maybe has PTSD from his time overseas or some shit like this ?!?!? I want to write some angst 🙄 what do you think of this ?</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Chapter 12</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Sorry for the delay! I’m not really satisfied with the chapter but I hope you like it guys, thanks again for all your kudos and comments ❤️</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <ul>
<li><strong>I really like this song for the last chapter, gives me kinda the vibes for a goodbye..<a href="https://youtu.be/yn8bFQgv1e8">R I D E </a> </strong></li>
<li>
<strong>I’m the BIGGEST Lana fan ever!</strong> </li>
</ul><hr/><p><br/>“I go with you I can-“ “Let me first talk with them alone.” </p><p>You just finished your mug of coffee in Joel’s kitchen. He leaned against the counter beside you, watching you and drinking his own coffee.</p><p>Not saying anything for a while he finally spoke up, “Alright,” </p><p>“Anything from Ellie so far?” You asked him and he shook his head. “No,”</p><p>He sighed and rubbed a hand over his face. You gently grabbed his hand, pulling it down. </p><p>“She will be calling, she just isn’t ready yet,” you tried to comfort him.</p><p>Joel knew that, but this whole waiting thing was hard for him. It literally ripped him apart, to know that Ellie would never forgive him at all.</p><p>He looked at you, studying you. Joel knew that it would going to be rough. Once the whole neighborhood will know, there won't be anything that would save you both.</p><p>But he was willing to look like a lunatic just in the name of love. And without realizing, he had fallen in love with you. <em>Hard</em>. All it took was one fucking month.</p><p>Now that you were here, Joel could barely imagine a day without you.</p><p>“I’ll go now, it’s time.” You sighed before putting your mug into the sink. </p><p>“And then? I mean your dad I- fuck-“ He mumbled quietly, nervously running a hand through his hair.</p><p>“I’m a grown woman. They can’t change who I love. They’ll.. they’ll surely don’t gonna like it but.. they need to accept it.” </p><p>Joel bit the inside of his cheek but nodded then. You walked up to him, grabbing his face in your hands. </p><p>“I’ll call you later.” You mumbled and kissed the corner of his mouth gently. </p><p>When you left he still sat in the kitchen, staring into nothing. How would that even work from now? Would you move in with him? No that couldn’t be.. </p><p>You need to get your job done first. And Ellie? What would she think if you suddenly lived here? He couldn’t do that. It was still too early for that.</p><hr/><p>“You tell us finally what’s going on, Y/N?” Your dad asked when you all sat down at the kitchen table. <br/><br/>You took a deep breath and stared at your hands in your lap.</p><p>"I just want to say that I'm sorry. I don't know what I was thinking, but I panicked and... I realized something.. I wouldn't be happy in San Francisco, that I won't be happy without .. without <em>him</em>."</p><p>Your mother raised one eyebrow. “Him?”</p><p>You looked up, meeting her gaze. You gulped hard.</p><p>”I love someone.” You murmured and looked over to your dad.</p><p>”Hey why’re you crying, that’s great.” Your dad tried to cheer you up when you suddenly began to cry.</p><p>“I know it’s not okay but I couldn’t stop it and-“ “Y/N calm down.” Your mother said and gently rubbed your shoulder.</p><p>“But- but it’s Joel.” You finally sobbed and squeezed your eyes for moment.</p><p>”Joel Miller?” <br/>“How many Joel’s live here?” Your dad asked your mom annoyed.</p><p>”What do you mean you love him?” Your mom asked and she couldn’t be serious, was she?</p><p>You looked at her confused. “We love each-“ “Woah, <em>we</em>?” Your dad asked and blinked a few times.</p><p>“When does that actually happened?” He asked then and you began to tell them how it all started.</p><p>After you finished it was silent but you could see the horrific looks in their faces.</p><p>Sure, your parents didn’t see the caring, gentle man you had fallen in love with.</p><p>All they saw was a guy over forty, the forever bachelor, the father of a nineteen year old girl. And all they thought about was that the guy was living, dating and fucking with her daughter. <em>Yeah</em>, they were horrified, to say the least.</p><p>“Please say something,” you said after a while.</p><p>”You ended your job because of him, because of Joel? Y/N how-“ “Y/M/N stay calm,” your dad spoke up when your mother’s voice got louder with each word.</p><p>”How can you stay calm at this!” She hissed at your dad and stood up.</p><p>With every word the argued more you got more insecure. </p><p>“You can’t be serious!” She said and you also stood up. </p><p>“I didn’t wish for that, it just happened!” You told her and whipped the tears from your cheeks.</p><p>”It just happened? Y/N, something like this don’t just happen!” She raised her hands and you suddenly were really pissed. </p><p>“Why don’t you say anything? You just sit there and-“ your mother pointed and your dad and let you a frustrated sigh.</p><p>”You support all this?” She asked him and you looked at your dad.</p><p>He thought for a moment before standing up as well, “No, of course not. But Y/N is an adult, she can make her own decisions and if she likes to-“ “You just gonna allow this?”</p><p>”I don’t allow anything! Actually we haven’t a part at this at all! This is her life! Finally stop controlling her life!”</p><p>They were shouting at each other. You felt bad. You felt responsible for the chaos you just created. </p><p>You watched how they argued and didn’t stop at all. It was a nightmare just like you thought. You actually were surprised that your dad was kinda cool with it. </p><p>After a while your mother sat down again. </p><p>“Y/N, I don’t know what to think of all that.” She said finally, looking at you worryingly.</p><p>You sighed heavy.</p><p>”Just be happy for me?” You said and watched how she took a deep breath.</p><p>She didn’t say anything at that so you looked at your dad. Why couldn't she be as cool as he was with the whole situation? <br/><br/>“He makes me laugh, he cares, he’s just- I <em>love</em> him..“</p><p>„Aren't you worried that maybe he's playing with your head and heart as well?   Are you sure about this?“</p><p>She was seriously worried about you and your relationship with Joel.</p><p>“Mom... Just... I know you don't like what I have decided to do with my life now, but... Don’t blame him for it. You can yell at me but please make it easy for him.” Your face softened, telling her everything you didn't say out loud. Joel still had to worry about Ellie so he didn’t have to take care of your parents as well. </p><p>Your dad gave your mom a short look and relaxed once he saw that her mood had lightened up. Not much, but she seemed way more relaxed than before.</p><p>“Let us alone for now, we just need to perceive it.” He said and squeezed your shoulder.</p><p>You nodded and slowly walked up to your room. After you called Joel and told him everything you immediately searched for new jobs in Dallas. After hours of looking you finally found a couple of decent companies an prepared your applications. <br/><br/>The next week you spent the whole days with job interviews. It was stressful and frustrating. The first days you thought of what a terrible mistake you made by leaving your job in San Francisco but after the fourth interview you finally got a really good offer. </p><p>It was a future orientated local design company in Dallas. The payment was good and you really had the same tasks like in your old job. The team was young one and you had a good feeling that this could work out great. </p><p>Your mother finally calmed down after a while and after you told her you got a new job and a real good one too, she wasn’t worried about the whole situation anymore. </p><p>When your parents spoke with Joel as well the last hurdle was done. Since they knew him and since you already told them about the whole thing, it wasn’t as awkward as you thought it would be.</p><p>It was kinda embarrassing for Joel to declare his feeling he had for you to your parents but he managed. Just like he managed to tell Maria and Tommy.</p><p>Sure it wasn’t normal and you hoped you didn’t have to meet up in the next month. But it could have been definitely worse, that’s for sure.</p><p>You also found a new apartment in Dallas. You couldn’t just move in with him now. This would be insane. As long as Ellie was around you couldn’t just live with Joel. </p><p>But Dallas wasn’t as far away as San Francisco that’s for sure. You agreed with Joel to take things slow. You didn’t meet in the first days you moved to Dallas. You were busy with the new job anyways and you still had to fix things with Ellie.</p><p>Even if you were in a relationship with Joel now, it didn’t feel like one. You were still insecure because of Ellie and how she would react now. Joel also was quite and waited for Ellie’s acceptance.</p><p>Your whole relationship has changed since you and Joel were now official. So you made a decision and agreed on staying low and bringing a bit distance between you and him, waiting for Ellie to finally accept it.</p><hr/><p>After some time Ellie finally called you and you two meet up. </p><p>She visited you in your new apartment and you were surprised that it wasn’t awkward at all. Ellie finally were good with Joel. They talked again and you couldn’t be more happier about that.</p><p>The whole time you were alone in Dallas, waiting the situation out was torturing. Not to know if Ellie would ever accept your relationship was a mind wrecking. </p><p>“I’m glad you finally spoke decently.” You said and hugged the pillow in your arms.</p><p>You both sat on your sofa.</p><p>“Ellie, I just..” you began and sighed heavy, not meeting her eyes.</p><p>“I don’t know if this makes any sense but..I just think the universe took pity on me to fall in love with him. I’m sorry and-“ “Hey, I told you I’m cool with it now. We’ve already talked about all that.” She squeezed your arm and smiled at you.</p><p>You bit your lip, nodding and suddenly crying. Ellie’s phone buzzed but she ignored it.</p><p>”Hey, it’s okay Y/N.” She gently pulled you into a hug. “It’s just- it’s been a long time since I saw him because we want to wait until you were okey with it and..” you sobbed against her shoulder and she softly rubbed your back.</p><p>Her phone buzzed again.</p><p>”You need to get that?” You asked her and slightly pulled away from her.</p><p>Ellie grabbed her phone, reading the message. She smiled. “What is it?” You asked her curiously.</p><p>Suddenly your doorbell rang and you stood up. Ellie grinned at you but you just looked at her confused.</p><p>You walked towards the door and opened it and there stood the man you didn’t see for weeks. Your heart stopped when  Joel whispered your name.</p><p>The voice that you hadn’t heard in weeks. The voice that had your heart doing backflips in your chest.</p><p>You couldn’t breathe you couldn’t move and you couldn’t say anything at all.</p><p>Joel scooped you up into his arm, tugging you flush against the hard wall of muscle. His lips captured yours, passionate and desperate as he poured his heart out in that single kiss.</p><p>You immediately threw your arms around his neck and moaned into his mouth. Your heart was racing, your blood ran hot, and your legs trembling as one of his hands fisted in the material covering your back. The other ran up your spine, lacing through your hair and bringing you ever closer to him.</p><p>You had never been so thoroughly wrecked by just a kiss in your entire life. </p><p>“Surprise was a success, I guess?” Ellie laughed and you huffed out an annoyed whimper. Joel chuckled and affectionately smoothed a hand down your hair, kissing your forehead.</p><p>“You’re evil, guys,” you spoke and turned to look at Ellie. She only laughed and walked towards you. </p><p>“I’ll let you guys alone.” She said then and grabbed her bag.</p><p>Joel walked further into the apartment. “I’ll see you later.” He said and gave Ellie a quick hug. You also said your goodbyes and watched her leaving.</p><p>He sighed, didn’t saying anything for a while until he spoke up, “I told Ellie I can’t have a good life,”</p><p>You looked into his eyes and noticed they were teary.</p><p>“You what?” you asked softly.</p><p>“I told her that I don’t think I can have a good life ..if you’re not in it,” he then whispered.</p><p>You were frozen on the spot, crying even harder at hearing him say those words.</p><p>He placed his hands on your waist and leaned closer, pressing his forehead against yours, that same little intimate gesture that made you all weak.</p><p>He was actually here, warm and solid and very real and you smiled through your tears,”Joel.”</p><p>His hand moved to your cheek and he softly brushed your tears away with his thumb,” Yeah, I’m finally here, baby.”</p><p>You grabbed his jacket and pulled him close. There was so much you wanted to tell him, so many words on the tip off your tongue but when your mouth opened none of them came out. All you managed was to sob out his name again.</p><p>And then his lips were on yours, so soft and delicate yet so hot at the same time all you could do was wrap your arms around his neck and kiss him back. </p><p>Joel smiled into the kiss, relief falling off his shoulders,”We’re done with the hide and seek shit,” He then whispered and he cupped your face to look deep into your eyes.</p><p>“I love you.” you whispered.</p><p>He leaned in to kiss you again, deeper and with even more passion this time until you were clinging to his chest and breathing heavily.</p><p>“So you’re official my man.” You smiled at him and the look on his face was suddenly all serious.</p><p>He leaned closer to bring his lips up to your ear, “I was your man the whole time angel,”</p><p>He softly started kissing your neck, and you just couldn’t stop thinking about the unconditional love you felt for this man. Your man. <em>Joel Miller.</em></p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I need to get everything done for the new job, so I guess it will take a while to write the new AU story.<br/>I liked your ideas.. buuut I’m feeling on writing the army AU, so I hope you’ll stay tuned for that 🤔😉</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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